Dance, Talk, Love

I have never thought about defining spirituality before, but I think, for me, it is simply my relationship with life. I deepen my spiritual connections by growing my love and awareness more and more, and I do this mainly through both movement and Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

My spiritual quest started because my life was uneasy, often miserable, and it was so difficult to live with myself. So I longed for peace of mind, ease, and freedom. Freedom from pain, suffering, stories.

I tried randomly following different practices, without really knowing what I was doing. And I did experience bliss, great presence, connection and beautiful moments in meditation or other practices. But when I came back to daily life, I was still easily angry, desperate, or frustrated. I wondered why it was so difficult to listen to somebody with a quiet mind. Why couldn’t I express myself easily? What was I scared of and why? And how could I communicate authentically while at the same time maintaining my connection with the other person?

Through movement, I found one way to connect to my body and emotions on a deeper level. When I reach the deeper spaces, many confusions or difficult emotions just dissolve, and acceptance arises. I find it is also a very good way to release the tension and tightness in me, and to dissipate stagnant energy. And through Nonviolent Communication, I found a tangible tool which lets me really measure where I am and how I am. It gives me grounding and insight. And I get immediate feedback from the people I communicate with. Although movement and NVC seemed like two separate journeys, they

ultimately met and mingled and have become my wings.

Movement

From my childhood, I always thought I was no good at moving my body. At school, sports class was very stressful for me. Then I signed up for a psychodrama workshop in Korea about 15 years ago where, unexpectedly, there was a dance session. I felt so embarrassed. But the facilitator guided us to close our eyes and just move slowly. At first I felt very awkward and self-conscious, but still something started opening in me.

Later I went to a Center for Movement Meditation. We were in a basement room, and the facilitator switched off all the lights. It was so dark that I could hardly see anything. We were asked to close our eyes and move, from inside. The darkness gave me an opportunity to free myself and listen only to my body, nothing else. My body started moving, stretching, twisting, rolling on the ground…. I cannot say it was dancing, but I could feel my body had been longing for this moment. Each body part had its own voice telling me, ‘Give me attention!’ ‘See me!’ ‘Listen to me!’ I felt each part moving in its own way, without direction from conscious thought.

Later, in Auroville, I discovered Gabrielle Roth’s 5 Rhythms practice (and even later, her book, Sweat Your Prayer). In this practice, we listen to ourselves and dance in our own way. I think approaching movement in this way prepared me to open myself further. When I reached a certain maturity, I could step forward to open verbally as well. As I explored my body’s movements, I felt I was touching a sweet and tender space within, with heightened presence. And this is the same space I access through the NVC practice.

Nonviolent Communication

I first participated in an NVC workshop around 15 years ago in Korea. And again I joined another workshop seven or eight years ago. But that time, it didn’t enter into me. It was kind of nice, but I was too scared to open myself up.

Then, when I came to Auroville in 2016, I thought, “Ok, maybe I can try now.” But I struggled to understand the (English) language, and also had so much resistance to and fear of exposing myself. I was not used to expressing my feelings or what I wanted in my life. 

Still my misery was too big, and I just couldn’t live or bear my life anymore, so I needed to do something. I remember I would become restless two or three hours before the weekly group practice was scheduled, and I was torn between wanting to go and not wanting to go. Sometimes I managed to be there; sometimes I escaped. And then, very slowly, I could be there, stay with my pain and emotions, share with other people, and listen to them.

At some point, I realized this was what I was missing and longing for as a daily spiritual practice. I joined two intensive international NVC training programmes, and it changed my life. That was one of the most challenging but crucial steps in my journey. When I was finally able to share what I was feeling or what was alive in me, and that feeling was accepted with care and presence by another, it was an astonishing and healing moment. Slowly I felt able to open myself up more and more, with greater trust and safety. For the first time, I felt that I was okay, that my feelings could be accepted as they were without blame or judgment. What a relief!

It became clear that I wanted to walk this path and share the practice with other people. A natural enthusiasm arose in me because I was experiencing so much that I was lacking and had been longing for my whole life. Through the NVC lens, I could slowly discover what was underneath my own and others’ feelings and actions, and this increased my acceptance, compassion, clarity and, most of all, connection. Because in the end, I believe we all want the same things - love, connection, understanding, acceptance. Now I am able to hear other people’s heart’s desire and longing. I see the other’s humanness and that softens my heart.

NVC and me

NVC has brought a lot of awareness in my personal life as well. Before, for me, raising kids was just a burden. I couldn’t enjoy the juice of it. Even after my exposure to NVC, I couldn’t apply the practice to my sons. In the beginning, I felt a great deal of frustration and hopelessness. I had learned this beautiful tool, but I wasn’t able to apply anything with my kids. This made me feel very distressed and small. So at one point, I just focused on myself. And as time passed, I felt more at ease with my kids. It was not as heavy and desperate as before. Still I would regret it and feel sorrow when I did something that I didn’t wish to or that didn’t align with my values.

Now even with my mistakes, I don’t suffer as before. I see my sons, and think, “I am so grateful that I have them in my life. I feel so grateful they are healthy. They are just amazing. Gentle, caring, loving, kind.…” I can enjoy their beauty and celebrate in a way I couldn’t do before. My view has changed, and everything has become lighter and easier.

It has also been a great revelation that I can communicate, express myself, and listen, for example to my partner, without conflict and fighting. if there is a conflict, it doesn’t stay for long, or I have trust that I can manage and digest it.

The way forward

I only started offering workshops myself one year ago because I was not confident and had a fear of speaking and listening in English. It took time for my yearning to share and grow to become bigger than my fear. Then finally I said, “Ok, now I want to do it. At least, I want to try and then I will see.” But how nervous and tense I was!

So I am still a baby, but I take it lightly, aware that I am just learning, and sharing what I learn or what

I want to practice with others. And whenever I see people experience a shift or transformation, or when I hear how the practice was meaningful for them, I feel so much gratitude that I found NVC and brought it into my life.

Recently, I heard from three people in Auroville that they would like to join the journey of NVC certification. It gives me so much joy and excitement to think that we can grow as a community together.

In the end, NVC is not a tool but an embodied state of being beyond language. I aspire to embody this awareness and compassion more and more, and look forward to seeing it everywhere in Auroville, in India, in the world,

Nonviolent communication really grew from my attempt to understand the concept of love, and how to manifest it, how to do it. Love is something we manifest, something we do, something we have, and something we give.

Nonviolent communication helps me stay connected with the beautiful Divine Energy within myself and to connect with it in others.

Marshall Rosenberg

(Educator and Peace-Maker)