Holding spaces for being and healing

As I’m swept gently through the warm water in Dariya’s arms, I perceive intense colours behind my closed eyes. My daily concerns fall away from me, and I start to feel weightless in this seeming alternative reality where one is not required to do anything, other than simply relax and surrender to the process. As I’m discovering, aquatic bodywork can submerge the receiver in an entirely different experiential and sensory realm, where distinctions of body and exterior world dissolve. As Dariya massages my back muscles and coaxes my deeply-relaxed body into different movements, I feel as supple as seaweed drifting on the ocean’s surface. At the end, it takes some time to come back to earth and to reintegrate myself into the rhythms and reality of the regular day.

The skill of holding space

Over the next two weeks, as I participate in the other activities Dariya offers –  Dance Offering, Women’s Temple –  I consider what it takes to be the facilitator of therapeutic spaces and experiences that offer the possibility for transcendence. On one level, these therapeutic modes may appear to offer relief from the realities of the world, and a freedom from the restrictive bodily dispositions we inhabit in daily life. But in the larger sense, Dariya emphasises, they can be an avenue to a kind of self-knowing that can come from ‘letting go’ and simply being, rather than doing. They also offer an important sense of ritual, which she says is often lacking in contemporary life, even though many of us continue to yearn for “a connection to something much bigger”. 

Dariya highlights the necessity of ‘holding space’ as a facilitator or therapist across all these therapeutic modalities, while acknowledging that these skills have always come naturally to her. The concept of ‘holding space’ is the act of listening with the intention of deeply hearing and possibly understanding, rather than problem-solving, and to be open to whatever emotions arise, and allow others to express vulnerability whilst they retain their agency. 

Dariya’s natural facilitation skills have been further developed over the years through her extensive training in dance, aquatic bodywork (Watsu, OBA, Water Dance etc) and the Awakening Women Institute’s global movement. These skills support her in guiding people in raising their awareness, while anchoring their presence in the physical body. Quite simply, to counteract the human tendency to focus on ‘doing’ in daily life, Dariya supports participants to “go into deeper spaces of experience within themselves” and to “unfold” or open up to what emerges, such as the possibility of inner transformation. “At an embodied level, it’s a balance or dance between doing and letting go; between being active and surrendering,” she says about the process she facilitates. 

Whether on land or in water, for Dariya, all these spaces are an invitation to practise attentiveness, awareness and being fully present, in a more embodied mode of consciousness expansion than those practiced on the meditation cushion. For her, all these therapeutic modalities are possible bridges between the so-called mundane and so-called spiritual aspects of oneself and life. 

Early days

Dariya was always interested in dance or “expressing through the body” as she grew up in Slovenia. “In high school or at dance parties, where most dancers simply rocked side-to-side, me and my friend would take up one-third of the dance floor to express what moved through us,” she recalls of her exuberant dancing. “As well as asking questions that would get me into trouble in church, school and family, I’ve always been very physical: climbing trees and doing sports. In the capital city where I studied, I went to jazz dance class and it was all about performing and competition.” The competitiveness put her off dancing at the time. Searching for a place to belong, and wanting to satisfy her sense of adventure, she started to travel. “I never felt at home –I always felt I didn’t fit in. I was always looking for my place in the world where I could feel at home.” She found a yogi in a cave in Greece with whom she studied Ashtanga Yoga for some time. Following his suggestion, she traveled to India, and eventually arrived in Auroville. “I felt, ‘This is it!’ It has people from all over the world, and it belongs to humanity.” Auroville has now been her home for 31 years. “It is a place where I am able to be who I am, allowing this to unfold and grow, and share this with people in diverse ways. I never knew if it’s going to be forever, but it is my home.”

In Auroville, she began participating in dance classes, even though learning choreographed dances was not her forte. “The others would go left, and I would go right! But I didn’t care because I was so happy. My body eventually learned how to follow steps.” Dariya became part of the Auroville Dance Laboratory that existed at the time, which even toured some cities in India. She then discovered the Japanese form of movement Butoh, and undertook rigorous training with Butoh teacher, Masaki. “It’s very organic and unconventionally beautiful. I loved it, even though it was a very intense physical and mental training.” She then started to guide a Butoh group of 12 interested people in Auroville, who explored meanings and beliefs of human existence. They created some group performances in Pitanga, and Dariya also danced a solo called “Cycles of Life-Death”, which explored a non-dualistic understanding of being. One week later, she had a serious accident which injured her leg, and this collided with an intense period in her life which posed many personal challenges. Dariya decided to stop Butoh, and started to embrace free-form dance as self-expression. This is when she began her Dance Offering sessions (previously named Dance Space), which have been going on for over 20 years now. 

Free expression through dance

Dance Offering is a weekly session that offers a space where everyone can participate and move in their own authentic way in response to the music, people and space. The only requirements – the ‘riverbanks’ to hold the ‘free space’ – are no talking or whispering, and a commitment to be present and aware as much as possible. “No matter your ability, age or previous experience, you can express life through movement that’s unique to your body,” says Dariya. 

The sessions begin with introspection in the form of a short guided journey into the present moment as it unfolds within each participant. It continues with a ‘welcoming circle’ where each person brings into the circle their name and an intention for the session. And then the space shifts into stillness – for most participants, this means lying down and deep listening. There are no suggestions for movements as the music builds; participants can stay in the corner or dance as gently or wildly as they feel. Dariya explains that she isn’t required to do anything specific as the facilitator, other than to remain completely present while fully participating and to “just allow” the improvisation process to unfold along five sub-lines: listening, allowing, unfolding, celebrating, offering. 

Ideally, the sessions offer a space for participants to transcend the social conditioning that has shaped their body over a lifetime, to adhere to conceptions of what is beautiful or non-beautiful movements or ‘appropriate’ bodily behavior in order to impress someone. “I say it’s like kindergarten for big people,” says Dariya with a smile. “It’s like being in that ‘no mind’ state before the age when children become too self-conscious, yet with the presence and awareness of adults. The sessions allow that more embodied sense of self to come forth. Insights and wisdom might emerge from that space. These are intimate learnings based on direct experience, which differ from learnings from books, movies or a teacher.” Towards the end of each session, some participants explore contact dance with others. In this way, they can experience “what binds and connects us, rather than what separates us”, says Dariya.

The music playlist is expertly curated, building slowly to a joyful high-point, encouraging people to process through a journey of listening, rest and movement towards ecstatic expression, before easing into a soothing finale. I began my own participation in the session feeling tired and having little plan to dance. But surprisingly, I became swept up in the collective energy and the rhythmic soulful music, and found myself whirling around the room with joy and some abandon. Having played out this ‘kindergarten’ aspect of myself, I then gladly yielded to the collective ritual at the end, where we each shared a word that described our state.”At the end, we bring it back down into a release and an offering,” says Dariya. “So the whole dance journey has an element of ritual.” 

Aquatic bodywork

My aquatic bodywork session with Dariya was something of a revelation, given that it’s been ten years since my last (and only) experience. The session required little more of me than to simply surrender my body into Dariya’s arms, as I was cradled, moved, stretched and gently massaged in warm water. In this modality, the body is floating and not fighting gravity, which frees up the joints and muscles so the body can release tension more easily. This approach claims to prompt an unwinding on many levels, into a profound state of physical and mental relaxation. 

Dariya incorporates techniques of Watsu (where the receiver’s face always stays above water) and underwater Liquid Flow (Dariya and her partner Daniel’s co-creation, based on the many years of their learnings and teaching). Dariya studied these modalities abroad and in Auroville, and they have been offering and teaching them at Quiet Healing Centre since 2004. Dariya emphasizes how, through being nurtured and unconditionally held in this kind of bodywork, receivers can expand or dissolve their boundaries, and free up the body and mind in a natural flow. 

While I felt as relaxed as a puddle of jelly by the end of my session, Dariya explains that each client and session is unique, and that the effects can’t be understood simply through external observation. “It’s a mystery. Everybody lets go of, and lets in, as much as they’re able to be with. The therapeutic aspects of touch and physical connection in a safe space foster profound physical relaxation, and invite healing on emotional and subtler levels.”

Women Temple

It’s a stormy night when I head to the Butterfly Barn for the monthly Women’s Temple, facilitated by Dariya. Surprisingly, 12 women brave the rain to arrive in this candle-lit rustic space. After initial prayer and bringing more aliveness to our bodies through movement and support, in groups of three we share our intimate thoughts and feelings. We are listened to without judgement, and receive positive verbal reinforcement and massage which flows into gentle contact movement.  

The ritual aims to be a form of deeper awareness and awakening uniquely through women’s bodies, that are more prone to cyclic ebb and flow and ongoing changes, while it also discourages “personal drama”, complaints or dwelling in misery, explains Dariya. Participants are invited to enter into “deep explorations” of aspects of themselves, while opening to the wisdom inherent in each of them. And when the time is over, they are invited to drop any negativity or positivity as they “come back to now”. “It’s a coming back to yourself, re-learning how to hold ourselves through those more intense waves that life brings us,” she says, explaining that we don’t need to divide life into the mundane and spiritual; in fact, all of life is sacred.

In this ritual, Dariya implements the training and assistance she undertook with Chameli Ardagh and the global Awakening Women Institute. When she first came across the Awakening Women global movement ten years ago, she felt she had finally found an external confirmation of the connection that was “already alive” in her, an affinity with embodied spirituality. Her training and engagement with the movement affirmed “something much bigger: perhaps for the first time, I understood Sri Aurobindo and integral life in my own way”. These experiences also gave her ways to honour connectedness in ways that are relevant to her as an evolving woman in a contemporary world. 

The training and Dariya’s own Women’s Temple process use mythology, particularly goddess worship, “as maps to go inward” to facilitate spiritual awakening. Most of the Women Temple participants of this particular evening were curious younger female volunteers from other parts of India, who may already have an understanding of Indian mythology whilst also bringing “some authentic freshness”, according to Dariya. However, women of all ages and backgrounds take part locally and globally in these deeply nurturing and transformative circles. “I’m really mind-blown how people give themselves to the process, no matter their age or background. We have so much more in common than we have differences. These are spaces where the being can come into place, rather than the personality.”

Rituals and Mystery

Dariya emphasises the importance of rituals, many of which have been “lost” in the present-day, including rituals as sacred moments of pause, of deeper listening, honouring oneself and the Earth mother, and – above all – the great mystery. Besides enlivening existing rituals, she suggests creating new rituals that “make sense to us as contemporary women and people”. She has even floated the idea of starting a service in Auroville that would facilitate rituals to commemorate life transitions such as nature cycles, birthdays, transitioning into womanhood, relationships, death, or to simply honour interconnectedness and the abundance of surrounding favourable circumstances that support evolution. 

Much of life is an “unfolding mystery” for Dariya. “I see that I can somehow contribute,” she says about her creation of intimate therapeutic spaces that encourage flow, deepening and connection. The appearance of life as both meaningful and meaningless at different times is all part of human experience, she says, and her work aims to help people move through these perceptions. 

In her own life, she feels ready for next steps and is “inviting some kind of shift” to make new directions apparent. Even in the times when she questions the purpose or continuance of her contribution to others’ journeys, she is reminded at the conclusion of each Women’s Temple or Dance Offering that her facilitation has significance for others. “When I see the vibrancy of people and the appreciative atmosphere at the end, it still makes sense for me to hold that space. I’m interested to explore what else is possible within this mystery of everything – what possibilities are there in Auroville? There are many people here committed to evolution, yet we are still in a kindergarten of what I imagine is possible, and the pain of that is also what propels us to change. Fortunately, there are a lot of road maps for sincere exploration.”