Finding one’s own path: a profile of Sagarika

You were part of the first batch of Nandanam Kindergarten.

Yes, that was a beautiful time! Nandanam gave me a lot of space and while I was aware of the people around me, I was allowed to emerge from my little bubble gradually. We were offered several activities – cooking, gardening, Awareness Through the Body (ATB). It’s important that even at that time, while there were several activities, none of them were compulsory. If children didn’t want to read, they wouldn’t be made to. I felt I could keep my boundaries, a connection with my inner self, and this was very grounding.

After Nandanam, I went to Transition School. When I was in second grade at Transition, however, The Learning Community (TLC), an experimental middle school and an all-parent initiative, was formed. As many of the children whose parents were involved were my close friends, I chose to join their pioneer batch. 

Was that an easy switch for you to make?

It was a completely different experience. TLC was experimental, outside the box and liberating. They wanted to return to the very core of education to see what makes a child learn and to create those conditions rather than following a fixed curriculum. The teachers were primarily the parent community and though they were not officially qualified to teach, they shared with us what they knew and were passionate about. A class that stood out for me was History with Gijs. He taught us History through Greek mythology. And as we listened to stories of these Gods and Goddesses, we would imagine ourselves in their worlds, and draw them or enact them. 

But I did face challenges. I was the only Indian among nine children. The majority of the others were Europeans. And moving in this small circle I realized that the cultural and background differences between us became a big gap. This was not a challenge I saw coming, but looking back I realize that even in Nandanam I was focused on the white people! I felt these kids had something I didn’t. These dynamics are so subtle. But they get conveyed in the mass media, in the images we see, in the way people look or don’t look at us. I had this sensation that I was in some way less than them. And I didn’t understand, at such a young age, that in focusing my attention on them, I was actually unable to enjoy and appreciate who I was! It’s sad but some non-Western kids and local Tamil students experience this in different ways, to a greater or lesser extent. 

IN TLC this feeling grew into a strong sense of inferiority and inadequacy. And while I struggled to be included, I felt there was no support from the community at TLC. I found myself in a space feeling separated. During this period neither the world nor I were good enough; I could either wear a mask and blend in, or work on self-reflection.

This sounds like a really tough phase for you… 

Looking back, though this period was difficult, it became the very reason for finding myself and questioning my identity. And I was lucky to find spaces and very different playing fields where I was able to grow into my skin and accept, even appreciate, my differences. 

The first breath of fresh air came in the form of Last School. We all left TLC together after three years and went to Last School. This was a deeply nourishing and uplifting time for me. We were only around seven students in Last School at that point and each one of us was treated equally. This was not something I was used to! Everyone looked at us as a person, an individual at the same level as everyone else. People made eye contact with me! Also, Deepti would talk about Indian culture and mythology, and about Sri Aurobindo. In our discussions she gave us the Indian context or perspective. Suddenly I felt like I could see myself like I had a place. I began to look at myself as an individual, with importance and slowly, even with respect.

And was it at Last School that you discovered art?

I’ve enjoyed drawing and painting since I can remember. My work was, and still is, an expression of my learning or emotions or things in my world that trigger something inside me at a particular time. Each time I make something, it’s a new process, a new journey. I don’t have a specific style or a particular way in which I work. I was allowed to develop my own understanding of my work. At end-of-workshop presentations, for example, we had to talk about where we had arrived, what motivated us, and what our process had been, and judge for ourselves whether this was a process we would like to adopt again. This open, yet safe, space was very precious. While teachers would ask questions and encourage us to reflect on our work, they wouldn’t judge it as good or bad.

At the same time the graduates of Last School have set very high standards for students who have followed. Watching them work or teach is very inspiring. They are extremely aware and responsible in how they work through all the stages of a project. They really clean up everything when they leave and they give everything when they come. That’s something I want to aspire to. If I start a project, I want to give as much attention to taking it down, clearing up, cleaning my brushes as to doing the research and actual artwork. I would like to learn how to work like that while embracing who I am at the same time.

Embracing yourself is a theme you returned to when you were 14. Tell us about that.

After two years at Last School which is based on free progress and Integral Education, our entire group had to choose between staying on or shifting to Future School, which offers a more structured curriculum as well as the possibility to take exams and attain certificates. It so happened that all my friends chose to shift to Future School. I found myself at a crossroads. I had to decide if I would join them and choose to be part of their environment or stay on in a place where I had begun to discover myself as an individual. I needed to answer some questions by myself. Do I need a certificate? What is my calling? What do learning and art truly mean to me? Was I going to choose the direction and propelling motion of Future School or did I need more time for myself, to deepen my sense of self-respect, to learn to trust myself and blossom?

It was at this point that I went for the first Ganga Yatra, a month-long trip for students through sites and cities along the Ganga. This trip came at the perfect moment and gave me the opportunity to self-connect and understand what I wanted to do at this point and in the future. I made “finding my path” my project. Through the journey, I started to observe and photograph paths. I watched for little clues, the obstructions and undulations, twists and turns, life, colour and energy. I also observed myself as I travelled these paths. I realized that whether the destination uplifted or disappointed me depended on how involved and interested I was on the path. Slowly, the paths became the destinations and I found myself satisfied in just being there. Over the days I decided I didn’t want to be propelled by an external system that would dictate my direction. Instead, I wanted to grow more into myself, learn to trust myself and follow my heart. I wanted to make my own path.

So, I chose to stay at Last School with a completely new class. I was more in me, more settled. I could see myself at the centre of my life. I no longer asked others what they were going to do. I asked myself what I was going to do. In retrospect I felt that all my experiences had led me to this point of clarity. The next couple of years were most fun and fulfilling for me. 

Tell us more about your art work.

In the last few years I’ve been lucky to have many opportunities to make and present my work, which in turn have contributed to my growth and confidence. I made my first “public” work for the Tango Festival in 2015 when I made paintings that were hung at one of the venues. In 2018, when I was a bit older, I made these huge three metre by three metre circles on cloth. This was a big project for me. The research lasted seven months – this long process gave me room for trial and error – during which I learned to trust myself, my decisions and artistic process. 

Another experience that stands out are the glass classes with Robert from Luminosity from Happy Studios. Learning to design for glass is different and has to be a much more structured process, more than I was used to us. Surprisingly, I got completely immersed in the design process, the cutting and the soldering. I found I could encompass them and understand the principles of working with glass, which broadened my reach and perspective of art further.

In your portfolio, you talk about the experience of working with the youth in this area through ‘Bridging the Gap’. What was this project?

Bridging the Gap (BTG) is an initiative with ‘Katradi’, an NGO from Chennai. The principal aim of BTG is to bring the youth together on a regular basis and interact over Ultimate Frisbee, an inclusive, collaborative and non-contact sport while spreading awareness about basic fundamental rights. As facilitators and youth leaders, Bhavya, Smiti and I from Auroville, and two people, Shiv and Kalai from the neighbouring region selected by Auroville Village Action Group, underwent an intensive training period in September 2017. We came back with new found skills and knowledge which we used to coach 180 youth between the ages of 13 and 18. 

Our aim was to bring young people from the entire bioregion together and increase their physical abilities, capacities and self-confidence while addressing values such as gender equality, honesty, teamwork and sportsmanship. We discussed issues like gender, sexuality, safe sex, gender and media and sexual abuse, while looking at our cultural understandings of gender roles and expectations. This was the first time many of these kids, boys and girls, could speak openly about such subjects. The most rewarding part of this exercise for me was that we had mixed groups -Tamil students from the outreach schools and students from Auroville schools. Through this process, they could see and understand a little more about each other. This was an important impact of BTG. We generated a platform to work with both Auroville and outreach schools together, creating a firm ground for conversations, interactions and lasting friendships. This was my life story! This was why I was there.