The quest for meaning

Auroville Today: What was your early life like? 

Seza: I was born and raised in Istanbul, now a city with over 20 million people. Life was always a hustle, focused on being competitive and successful, and I was very much a part of that trend.

However, this led to a period of depression for me. I was doing everything I was told to do: getting top scores, working for big companies, earning a big salary. But I felt shallow and couldn't find meaning in my life. I went through an existential crisis in my late twenties, which I am now grateful for because it pushed me to search for the true meaning of my life.

Interestingly, life seemed to help me along this path. I was considering quitting my job but was unsure how to manage financially. One day, my manager pushed me to speak up, and although I lacked the courage, it just happened. Then, my landlord decided to sell the house, forcing me to move. This was in 2016. I quit my job, packed my belongings into a container, and bought a ticket to Auroville. India hadn't been on my mind at all, but somehow, I was drawn to it. A friend suggested Auroville as a good place to transition from city life, instead of going straight to an Ashram, and that's how I ended up here.

Why India specifically?  

I wanted to change my life but didn't know how. When searching for something spiritual, India is often the first place that comes to mind. While some people are drawn to shamanic practices or ancient teachings from South America, India appealed to me.

Did you have any spiritual influences growing up?

I was born in a very non-religious family in Turkey, where roughly half the population is liberal and not particularly religious, while the other half is more conservative. I grew up in the liberal part and wasn't exposed to religious practices. Even though the majority of the population is Muslim, Turkey is not a Shariah state. In fact, I was already 22 when I learned about the Friday prayers in mosques. My family had a vague sense of faith, more about connection with creation than traditional practices. Things were unclear to me. I realised at 30 that I didn't have genuine faith. Coming to Auroville has been part of my journey to practise a deeper spirituality.

What did you study? 

I studied political science and public administration, with a minor in psychology. I've always been attracted to philosophy, but my university studies were focused on Western philosophy. Over the past seven years, I've become more engaged with yogic philosophies, particularly Samkhya. My vocabulary has expanded, especially with Sanskrit concepts, which has profoundly changed my connection with the divine.

As a yoga teacher and coach, I offer sessions on emotional regulation, embodiment, and boundaries based on nervous system theories which I initially started in Bodrum, Turkey. These practices, along with yoga, have allowed me to guide both groups and individuals, expanding my perception and approach.

However, after COVID, I felt stagnant in my life and realised I needed a change. I saw myself as a creator, someone who brings different elements together to feel more embodied and connected. I wanted to explore new environments and get inspired by other facilitators and spaces. Bali came to mind as an ideal place — a vibrant hub for spirituality and holistic practices, offering a blend of financial opportunities and spiritual growth. My plan was to observe, participate, and perhaps even facilitate sessions there, aiming to find a genuine way to merge my financial and spiritual pursuits.

This was in December 2022. But a group of friends were planning to come to Auroville and invited me along. I also had a few ashrams in mind that I hadn't visited before, like the Art of Living and Isha Foundation. So, I thought I would spend Christmas and New Year in Auroville and then move on after about a week or ten days. I planned to spend some months in India before heading to Bali. So, I came to Auroville with my group.

However, on the second day, I came down with a severe fever. At first, I thought I had contracted COVID on the plane, but it turned out to be Dengue fever. This illness, like many in my life, ended up being a period of intense introspection and purification for me. Although it was painful and isolating, it gave me an opportunity to look within. I remember on New Year’s Eve, I was sitting under the banyan tree, overwhelmed by the pain, and I asked The Mother for help for the first time. The next day, the pain was gone. Even the doctor at the medical centre was surprised at how quickly I had recovered.

After that, we had to leave our guest house at Vérité. It was the high season, so finding accommodation was difficult. I happened to still have the contact of Creativity Guest House and reached out. They had availability, so we moved there. My friend decided to go to Bali earlier than planned, but I felt compelled to stay. I cancelled all my plans to visit other ashrams in India and remained in Auroville.

So you initially just came for a visit?

Yes, I came for a visit, and it's quite an interesting story. Auroville’s websites and accommodations are scattered, and somehow I ended up at Creativity Guest House. Interestingly, I'm now the manager there.

My journey feels like it's coming together beautifully and mystically. The dots are connecting in beautiful ways and I never question this flow. I have full trust and surrender in my connection with Auroville.

When I first visited eight years ago, it felt like something out of the TV show “Lost” — it was mystical, confusing, with hidden aspects. The architecture and daytime emptiness were striking, but during events, if you were lucky enough to know about them and then find the location, it was bustling with people.

Back then, Auroville felt mysterious and energetic to me. Now, I understand it’s a place rich in symbolism and spiritual journeys, both personal and communal, without being codependent. It offers immense freedom and inspiration. Initially, though, I felt alienated and spent a month here thinking it was nice for massages and such, but it didn't really touch me back then.

After several months in India, I returned to Turkey and moved from Istanbul to a smaller city. There, I met my yoga teacher, a disciplined follower of Ashtanga Yoga and a student of Pattabhi Jois. She is also a literature teacher, over 70 years old. We translated sutras into Turkish, including the Bhakti Yoga Sutras and the Patanjali Sutras. Now, she's working on the Bhagavad Gita, and I am offering my help online.

What were you looking for?

At that time, I didn't have a mature sense of spirituality. I was looking for a more structured, organised way of practising — how to pray, how to meditate. This is why ashrams were more attractive to me. I spent a lot of time at the Sri Aurobindo Ashrams in Pondicherry and Delhi.

I didn't fully understand the philosophical side of yoga or what integral yoga meant. It was a valuable experience, but it was clear that I wasn’t in tune with the vibrant energy there.

I often visit the Matrimandir. It holds such a special place in my heart. One day, while meditating there, I opened my eyes and saw the pond. It was a profound moment of connection for me. The pond, with its flow and symbolism, felt like a divine representation of Sanskrit terms just in front of my eyes. That was when I knew I belonged here, at least for now.

How did your interest in Integral Yoga develop during this time?

Well, I began going deeper into Integral Yoga through reading and study. I was and am curious to explore further, through various spiritual paths like Shaivism, Samkhya, and Tantra to truly understand how to relate with the divine. In Integral Yoga what particularly resonated with me was the concept of being an instrument for the descent of the light. In many other spiritual perspectives, enlightenment can feel like a personal achievement, something you do for yourself, liberation and ascending. But in integral yoga, it's about becoming enlightened and then using that enlightenment as a channel to manifest the divine. This revelation prompted me to dive deeper into my studies.

Shortly after this realisation, the guest house manager offered me a volunteering opportunity, which I eagerly accepted. I returned to Turkey briefly to sort out my visa, and when I came back, everything seemed to fall into place. I officially became a newcomer to Auroville. It’s interesting to note that I received my newcomer card just before the entry board closed. This has made me feel incredibly protected and supported as if everything was meant to happen exactly as it did.

And what is this new phase of your life like?

Now that I’m here in Auroville, I find myself in a continuous state of observation, seeking to understand how I can best contribute to this community. There’s so much here that inspires me on my spiritual journey. It's remarkable how we can maintain a connection to the material world while also recognizing the divine essence within everything around us. This perspective enriches my experience and deepens my sense of connection. I am working as a guest house manager and also working in the Matrimandir gardens for the New Earth. On one side organisational, commercial and communication skills are required, on the other the unique nonverbal connection is there with the significance of the flowers and subtle energies.

I draw inspiration from various tools and practices available here. Like a curator, I blend qualities from different schools of thought to enhance my personal journey and contribution and offerings. I believe that the first step towards deeper connection lies within our own bodies. Our bodies serve as vessels for sincerity and genuine connection, offering a pathway to perceive the divine within ourselves and in the world around us. It's fascinating how our bodies, despite being the most tangible aspect of our existence, possess such inherent magic.

Activities like sound baths, dance sessions, and jamming sessions further deepen this connection for me. They allow me to immerse myself in the present moment and experience the beauty of existence.

During my entry process interview, I was asked how I would describe Auroville to my friends. The concept of an intentional community is difficult to convey, especially considering the potential hippie connotations associated with the word “community” in my culture and in Turkish. However, Auroville truly embodies this idea of intentionality in community-building. When there’s a specific intention, whether it’s chanting, celebration, mourning, or any other purpose, individuals come together seamlessly, creating a sense of community. However, once the intention is fulfilled, everyone returns to their individual lives. It’s a unique dynamic that characterises Auroville as a truly intentional community.

You mentioned that Auroville allows for the integration of various aspects of your life and skills. Could you elaborate on how your past studies and experiences have converged here?

Absolutely. It's akin to what Steve Jobs famously said about connecting the dots backward in life. My journey has been shaped by my academic pursuits in political science and public administration. While those studies didn’t lead me directly into a career in diplomacy or brokerage, they profoundly influenced my analytical skills and worldview. After navigating profit-driven and competitive environments, I felt drawn towards spirituality, eventually finding myself here.

And Auroville is where I find a perfect synthesis of my past experiences and academic background in public administration and political science. The community allows me to take on responsibilities and contribute ideas for communal living, drawing upon my insights from the university. Additionally, Auroville also has its commercial aspects, where I can leverage my expertise to contribute effectively.

And there’s something I mentioned earlier that I’d like to touch upon as well. In Auroville, I’ve come to appreciate the material world in a different light. All aspects of life, from material objects to routines, are seen as expressions of the divine. This perspective has been deeply inspiring for me and has further fueled my spiritual journey.

How do you experience the current conflict in Auroville?

First of all, being Turkish, I’ve grown up in a region marked by political conflict, so navigating tension is not unfamiliar to me. I believe Auroville could benefit from individuals like myself, who are resilient in the face of political challenges. If we harbour resentment, who will sustain the community spirit? So, I hold onto faith that the intention of Auroville will prevail over external pressures.

The ecological and communal aspects here provide an incredible space for practising the evolution of consciousness. It’s not about following one leader but rather fostering collective growth. Additionally, the spiritual dimension offers diverse paths, whether one resonates with Integral Yoga or other practices. This freedom deeply resonates with me. There are numerous aspects of Auroville to appreciate, and I’m keen to explore and engage with more of them.

So I remain genuinely curious and open hearted about Auroville. Beyond its beautiful blend of spirituality and daily life, there’s another aspect that I find equally captivating. In Auroville, you witness how one can live in harmony with nature, embracing ecological practices. It’s a place where you can grow, learn, and deepen your connection with Mother Earth. Auroville isn’t just a place for individual decisions, as it might be if one was living in New York or Berlin. It’s a community where collective decisions shape its path forward.