The way of forgiving

Why does equity matter

Ginn and Letlapa offer an analogy to explain their focus on equity. If equality is when everyone receives a pair of shoes, equity is when those shoes fit your feet.  But even more precisely, “Equity is a listening for needs.” As Ginn points out, “You can’t supply people with shoes till you know their size and what type of shoes they need.” 

To further extend their own analogy, both Ginn and Letlapa have now grown accustomed to walking in each other’s shoes. Ginn, for example, is quick to contextualise that Letlapa became a commander of the Pan Africanist Congress freedom fighting force “as a result of the Apartheid system where his people suffered great loss, including many mothers losing their children.” This is but one instance where the pair have come to recognise and appreciate what the other has lived through. 

As we struggle in Auroville with ongoing communal hurt, ugly polarisations and painful alienations, Ginn and Letlapa model a different outcome to our tumult, one where human unity is achievable - the very human unity that is the lodestar of Auroville.

Shared Humanity

When Ginn was finally able to meet Letlapa, nine years after Lyndi’s death, she started by saying that she forgave him. Hearing this, Letlapa felt such relief at having his humanity instantly and powerfully restored, as if by a bolt of lightning. Although the terrorism charges against him had already been withdrawn by the courts, the personal, human intent of Ginn’s words was far more meaningful than a legal proclamation. 

Letlapa later invited Ginn to accompany him when he returned to his village for a homecoming ceremony after having lived in exile for 17 years. The ceremony involves a profound ‘spear cleansing’ ritual where the weapons of war are put away and one is washed in herbs. At this meeting, Ginn apologised and asked for forgiveness on behalf of her British ancestors for the way they had treated Africans through slavery, colonialism and apartheid. At the ceremony villagers gave Ginn the name ‘Pheladi’, loosely meaning ‘mother of Africa’ which connected her deeply with the village and Letlapa. During the workshop, Letlapa chuckles when he recalls that Ginn received a louder ovation than he had at this homecoming ceremony. 

Systemic Issues

Beyond the personal, the two are strongly motivated by the systemic issues behind the tragedy that brought them together. Injustice, says Letlapa, is universal. He and Ginn use Ken Wilber’s model of the ‘Integral Quadrant’ where we “grapple with our values and beliefs that lead to bias, stereotyping, and ideologies of supremacy in order to establish a collective ‘we’”. In the workshop, examples are studied, encouraging us to notice when injustice happens. Letlapa tells us, “Injustices may differ in degrees; some attract world attention, others are treated as normal.” 

One of their responses to injustice is conscious communication, which Ginn describes as a “skill where you can empathically hear each other’s feelings and unmet needs and take responsibility for your own feelings without shaming and blaming others”. She hopes this will enable us “to move from a model of power to one of negotiation of values and beliefs, allowing us to formulate the structures of a collaborative society.” 

Ultimately, as Ginn points out, “If you don’t act when you see injustice, nobody will act on your behalf when you are treated unjustly.” She goes on to say, “My deepest regret is that I wasn’t a louder activist during Apartheid, because on the one hand I was fearful of being put in prison. On the other hand there was an element of not knowing what was happening to black people. Did we remain ignorant because privilege was so comfortable? It all seemed so acceptable.”

Forgiving

There is a profoundly spiritual element to Ginn and Letlapa’s journey of conciliation. Ginn says that, over time, her daughter’s murder “plummeted me deeply into loving.” As we sit listening to Ginn and Letlapa at the workshop, that love is tangible. With tears in her eyes, she states, “I can honestly say that whilst my voice may waver and tears come when I talk about Lyndi, it’s not a grief but a joy, a sacred connection, a high vibrational energy.”

At the heart of all they offer, and a constant presence in the workshop, is forgiving. Letlapa describes forgiveness as an ‘inside job’, something very personal and cellular. He quotes the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu describing forgiveness as selfish since it frees us from resentments. It’s clear that this unlikely duo brought together in the most appalling of moments, have through forgiving gone far beyond the surface to a deeper understanding of human unity. “Forgiving yourself is a more difficult process than forgiving others,” Ginn says, “You have discriminated and treated people as if they aren’t worth anything. You need to grieve your own loss because of what you have done.”

How do we forgive? Ginn says it was a process where she made a principled decision to “give up my justifiable right to revenge” even while feeling her loss and at times howling with grief. Later, Letlapa’s invitation to his homecoming, his softening and opening when they met allowed her “authenticity to meet with Letlapa’s integrity” and that helped to bring peace and conciliation. 

Honesty 

Both Ginn and Letlapa exemplify an unusual degree of honesty. Ginn says that if she had met Letlapa a year after Lyndi’s death, she would have tried to kill him with her bare hands. Letlapa in his quiet way is almost religiously honest. As the commander behind the shooting, he could have avoided blame, but he does not shy away from taking responsibility, “I feel a greater culpability than the one who pulled the trigger.” They are particularly precise in what they communicate and steer clear of both cliché and feel-good narratives. 

The human journey

It bears emphasising that Letlapa is so much more than a recipient of forgiveness. There is a power to his willingness to be accountable, to meet eye-to-eye, with an understated sincerity. His searing honesty, quiet strength, poetic writings and light chuckle indicate a depth. He is possibly, in a mythic sense, everyman; and whilst we don’t share his unique story, we all have a past to take responsibility for. 

After he first visited Auroville in 2007, Letlapa says he left a changed person, even adopting a vegan diet for 11 years. He read many of Sri Aurobindo’s books, especially enjoying his poetry and “treasures the dream of a society envisaging a simpler life and a future where some of the things dominating our lives, like money, are not an issue.” 

Overcoming polarity

It has been suggested that South Africa’s experience of turmoil during the long freedom struggle has relevance for Auroville’s current polarisation. (See ‘Overcoming apartheid - lessons for Auroville’ on Jay Naidoo’s visit to Auroville in AV Today Issue 405). However Letlapa states that he is “reluctant to give advice because there is much I don’t know about Auroville, except that I hear there are as many stories as people who tell them.” Ginn has observed the deep pain and fear on all sides and a sense of victimisation. “I feel the pain, and I feel it as a human tragedy,” she says.

To the question of how best to heal polarised societies, Letlapa replies, “Perhaps it will sound like a cliché, but building bridges is very important because a bridge covers both banks of the river. Which means it has to be a commitment by a divided nation, community or society, that on my side I will meet you mid-river. It should, in my opinion, start with individuals, who are victims of that polarisation, to extend a hand of friendship. It can come in the form of having a breakfast or dinner together, or it can come in the form of inviting each other to birthday or anniversary celebrations. Both sides should invite. Remember we are not a collective mass but individuals; even at the height of racial discrimination in South Africa, white people would invite black people to have dinner and vice versa. Some people went to townships when they were not allowed. And when you reflect, those dinners are now in the pages of history.”

Both Ginn and Letlapa have generously given of themselves to assist Auroville and individual Aurovilians in our troubled times. Prior to her arrival, Ginn had already offered ten weeks of online training in Conscious Communication to form a resource group that could support the intense weekend workshops.

Their presence has been an invitation to learn more about the ‘inside job’ of forgiving and to understand the systemic contexts that lead to social polarity. As they have walked down the road of healing, they have embodied some of the bridge building we in Auroville have ahead of us if we are to individually and collectively find our human unity.