Towards Auroville: A journey of dedication and resilience

Ever since I was 11 years old, the idea of living in Auroville captivated my imagination. Now, at the age of 60, I reflect on the remarkable path that led me here. My journey in Auroville began when I started working as a child in Fraternity with Voldemar. My father worked as a gardener there, and while my brother had the privilege of attending school, my sisters and I were entrusted with household responsibilities from an early age, while also expected to work and earn an income. Those were the beginnings of my lifelong dedication to work and service.

In those days, I had an innate fear of Voldemar, a tall and foreign figure. Whenever I brought food for my father, I would then quickly scurry away in apprehension. Eventually, the amma who worked for Voldemar ceased to come, so he approached my mother, seeking a replacement. Instead, my mother suggested that I take up the opportunity since my father was already employed there. To equip me for the role, my mother ingeniously fashioned a small child-sized sari from an old, tattered sari.

Fraternity

Thus, armed with my makeshift working attire and bolstered by the presence of my father, I timidly presented myself at Voldemar's house. Though I did not understand a word of English, I possessed a keen ability to learn by observation. Initially assigned tasks such as cleaning, washing, and fetching water from distant sources, I adapted quickly. The concept of conserving water by using three wash basins for dishwashing, instead of running water, was a valuable lesson for me in those early days. Although I was initially slow, I soon received praise for my efforts, instilling a sense of accomplishment within me.

One day, I was offered the opportunity to learn ironing when someone was scheduled to demonstrate the skill. I eagerly embraced the chance and honed my ironing and folding techniques. Subsequently, I also took on the responsibility of collecting flowers from the garden and crafting flower mandalas for composting. On occasions when my father fell ill and couldn't tend to the garden, I stepped in, shouldering the laborious task of watering plants with heavy buckets.

However, my journey took a turn when I decided to follow my heart and marry for love, around the age of 19. It was a bold and unconventional choice, met with resistance from my parents, particularly my mother. Their objections stemmed from the lack of financial gain associated with the union. Yet, I remained steadfast in my decision, firmly believing that love was the driving force behind a successful marriage. The consequences were severe, as my entire family cut me off. For seven long years, my mother refused to speak to me, despite the proximity of our homes. Over time, however, our relationship gradually mended.

My mother's dream was for me to have a better life, to marry a wealthy man. However, material wealth didn't hold much allure for me. All I truly desired was a fulfilling life. Yet, the journey of getting married and joining my husband's family proved to be arduous. The lack of employment opportunities and scarcity of food made it even more challenging.

Utility

Eventually, I stumbled upon some work with Coco and Rakhal in Utility. They had a young child whom I took care of, in addition to my own daughter. At work, I found myself engaged in various tasks such as cleaning, doing laundry, and attending to the child's needs. Initially, I had limited culinary skills, familiar only with basic local dishes. But with Coco's guidance, I gradually learned to prepare Western meals and salads. It was a revelation to taste salads for the first time since we never had them in the village. At first, I found them tasteless and made a face when Rakhaloffered me one. However, over time, my palate adapted, and I grew to appreciate the flavours. During lunch breaks, I used to walk back to the village from Utility. Coco and Rakhal were pleased with my dedication and hard work, which in turn made me happy. They praised my keen eye and efficiency, occasionally visiting me at home during festivals like Pongal. Their daughter affectionately called me ‘mom’ and we developed a warm bond. The work never ceased. I would wake up at 4 am, attend to my own household chores, wash clothes, fetch water, and cook breakfast and lunch for my family. Then I would prepare for work, where the cycle of tasks would begin again. When evening arrived, and I returned home, the cycle resumed once more. There was no time for contemplation or any space that allowed me to even think about what my wishes, desires, likes or dislikes might be. On top of it, family complications and challenging situations frequently arose, requiring me to care for numerous relatives. Eventually, Coco decided to leave Auroville with her daughter. They were saddened to part ways with me, particularly because the child had become attached to me. Coco kindly offered me her house, inviting me to live in Auroville. However, at that time, I was unsure about what I actually wanted to do. I found it challenging to make decisions. Additionally, I felt tied to the village because my mother and mother-in-law opposed my departure. They relied on me for care and sustenance, fearing that if I left, there would be no one to look after them. On one occasion, my mother-in-law even resorted to crying and rolling onto the street to prevent me from leaving.

Auromodèle

Then, through my husband and Rakhal, I was introduced to Louis, who was searching for an amma. Those were trying times in every aspect, including financially. There was a year when I possessed only two saris, constantly having to wash one while wearing the other.

I arrived at Louis' newly built house in Auromodele, and it required a thorough cleaning. I diligently tackled the task of cleaning the entire house on my own. During those early days, Roger and Jacqueline resided in Pondy but would come to the Matrimandir for work and joined Louis in Auromodele for lunch. I single-handedly cooked meals for a group of 8-10 people.

As time went on, they hired a cook for dinner, which presented an opportunity for me to expand my culinary skills. A few times a week, I stayed late into the evening to learn how to prepare dinner. Then, I would return home and cook dinner for my own family, including my husband, child, mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law.

Working so tirelessly was undoubtedly challenging, but I found satisfaction in the knowledge I gained. I enjoyed the learning process and was afraid of refusing work or saying no. There was a lack of autonomy in my life, as I merely followed the instructions of my mother and husband. I rarely considered my own desires. Even when I offered food to a friend, I faced reprimand from my mother-in-law due to the strict rules and regulations that governed our lives. Life wasn't free, and I constantly navigated complex dynamics.

In the village, there was a prevailing belief that going to Auroville meant abandoning our responsibilities to care for and provide for the family. We faced opposition from various sides when it came to my desire to become an Aurovilian. The village was reluctant to lose me as their caregiver, and workplaces didn't want to lose me as a valuable worker. I encountered difficulties when inquiring at the Entry Service, as they preferred I work for an Auroville service rather than at a private household. Despite these challenges, Louis assisted me with Tamil and English classes, and I gradually improved my English skills. Eventually, I began working at Pour Tous, where I remained for many years.

Initially, I worked there for free, but later they started paying me. I earned 300 rupees a month for my part-time job at Pour Tous, in addition to the 300 rupees I received from my other job with Louis. Throughout this journey, Louis remained a steadfast supporter. When I finally decided to stop working, Jacqueline became emotional, embracing me and tearfully comparing me to a little bird spreading its wings and leaving the nest (at the time Roger and Jaqueline were also living in Auromodele and I worked for them too).

Sangamam

That's when Sangamam was constructed, initially intended as housing for workers. Louis and Roger pooled their resources, allowing me to move into the first Sangamam house with my husband, 7-year-old daughter, 5-year-old son, and father. The beginning was slow, as there was no running water, and we had to fetch water from outside. While I was incredibly happy and grateful for the change, it was also challenging. I felt afraid, particularly because there was only one house with nothing around, and thefts occurred frequently. Thieves would steal various items, including any food left out. I remember a time when I returned home from work and found no one there. Filled with fear, I climbed up a cashew tree in the darkness and waited, crying, until my father returned. I will never forget that experience. The tree felt safer than being alone in the locked house.

After a few years, funds were secured to improve the infrastructure, constructing larger houses with all the necessary facilities and water tanks. Now, Sangamam has grown into a bigger community with 12 families.

Becoming Aurovilian

To facilitate the process of becoming an Aurovilian, it was recommended that I live in another house within Auroville. There was a house available for purchase, priced at 50,000 rupees, but I didn't have the money. Eventually, a solution was found, and I moved to a better house in Sangamam under the arrangement of taking care of the place.

I made multiple attempts to continue the process of becoming an Aurovilian, revisiting the Entry Service. However, due to some negative feedback, my application remained pending for years. Finally, Mallika accompanied me to the Entry Service and inquired about the issue, emphasising the support I had received from numerous people in my aspiration to become an Aurovilian. After a long wait, I finally achieved Aurovilian status about 20 years ago. It has been challenging as I didn't receive a formal education, making it difficult to express myself in writing and effectively communicate my aspirations, thoughts and opinions.

Citadines

When Citadines started, Louis asked me to manage the kitchen. I initially doubted my ability to handle such a sizeable kitchen. I was experienced in many things, so I could take care of eight ammas and train them in various skills such as cooking and ironing. But cooking for up to 50 people per day seemed daunting. However, with the belief and support from Louis and others, I decided to give it a try. By gradually adjusting the quantities and learning to predict the food requirements, I realised it was possible to cater to the increased demand. Managing the kitchen required me to draw upon all the skills and experiences I had gained, from my time at Fraternity, to Pour Tous and beyond.

Being a team leader and taking care of the ammas presents its own set of challenges. I often find myself torn between satisfying the personal needs, requests, and salary aspirations of each amma and adhering to what is feasible and financially viable for the Citadines community. Finding a compromise that keeps everyone content is not always easy, as it involves making the most of available resources and finding a balance between individual desires and the community's overall needs.

Continuing

Now, my only wish is to continue working. I have never stopped in my life, hardly taking any time off. I want to keep serving, but I have noticed that my body is not as resilient as it once was. These managerial positions are helping to alleviate the strain. There have been instances when I experienced back pain, and the people here, like Samuel, would recognize the tension on my face and arrange for a massage from their therapist. It was incredibly touching to feel loved and cared for, reminiscent of how only my own mother could sense when something was wrong.

Once, I had the opportunity to accompany Louis and Genevieve to France for two weeks during Christmas. It was a remarkable experience to witness streets adorned with Christmas lights and to immerse myself in a different way of life, exploring new shops and encountering a whole new world. It was an emancipating experience for me. One day, Genevieve encouraged me to venture out alone. I had never done anything like that before in an unfamiliar place. So, for the first time in my life, I put on a pair of jeans, took the house keys, and ventured out alone, remembering the way to the beach and back. I even asked someone to take a photo of me. It was immensely satisfying to manage that on my own, and Louis and Genevieve were proud of me.

What strikes me right now, is that I have been working in Auroville for such a long time, consistently dedicating myself day in and day out, yet nobody ever asked about my feelings or sought to hear about my experiences. It is an honour to be asked now.

I am incredibly happy and grateful for all the help I have received from Louis and Geneviéve and others. I am uncertain about what lies ahead in my life, but if my body allows it and with the blessings of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo, I will wholeheartedly continue dedicating my life to service.