The power of Frisbee

“Auroville is comfortable, and we know each other and it’s home,” says 23-year-old Selvi as she talks about stepping out into adulthood. “When I went to study in Chennai, it was a whole new world for me. I met so many people in college, but I wasn’t talkative. Then I saw a frisbee team playing there, and I thought, “OK, frisbee people are here –  I will have my comfort zone.”

Selvi was a shy and studious student throughout her high school studies at Auroville’s NESS. “Until 12th standard, I was silent and I closed myself off. My comfort zone was with close friends and family.” But she also enjoyed sports. One day, when she was 17, she saw some people playing ultimate frisbee at Certitude sports field and joined them. It turned out that she had a natural talent for the sport. 

Within a year of starting frisbee, Selvi was selected for India’s national ultimate frisbee team. When she first received the phone call, she found it hard to believe the news and kept checking with the selectors. “When it was confirmed, I was super excited to go abroad for the first time,” she says.

While her early years of frisbee playing were dominated by determining strategies of play, Selvi soon realised that the “super fast and tall” international competitors had an advantage that often thwarted her strategies, and she learned to adapt to the flow of play within “really tough” games. As she grew in confidence and experienced how the strong team spirit could buoy her through exhaustion, the game even became “joyful” for her. “We encourage and trust each other, and give a collective effort to push forward.” But even when her team wins an important game, Selvi explains that her tendency is to remain calm. “My team mates go crazy and jump around. I like seeing them so happy, but I don’t do that. I just smile – I’m not a person that expresses too much.” 

Travelling with the team for international competitions, Selvi has seen different parts of the world, including London, Australia, Japan and the Philippines. “I like being in a different country, seeing people, eating different food, experiencing a different culture,” she says., although she complains laughingly about London’s weather – “It was cold and raining, and it was hard to breathe, and hard to run!” 

Gaining knowledge

Selvi attributes her shyness as a child to “overthinking, and limiting myself and thinking about other people’s judgements”. Before she started frisbee, she was scared of meeting new people and having to speak English. “I didn’t speak English well at that time. At school, outside class, I only spoke with friends in Tamil. So I suppressed myself in speaking English with new people. I had many mental difficulties, but now I’m improving my language and communication skills.”

Selvi was determined to have an independent life but concedes that she is somewhat unusual for a young Tamil woman originally from the village. She partially credits this desire to her overseas travel experiences, and partly to her stepfather Martin’s influence. Martin, a long-standing Aurovilian originally from Switzerland, met Selvi’s mother when she was working in Andre’s boarding house. After their marriage, the family moved to Martin’s home in New Creation Field, which also doubled as a boarding house, so Selvi grew up surrounded by the ‘sisters’ who boarded with the family. 

“Martin made sure we all were treated equally and affection was always there,” she says. “I learned many important things from him – how to be responsible, how to manage our budget and how to lead an independent life. Every week, he’d give us pocket money; it was a way of teaching us to manage money. We also shared responsibilities, like cooking, cleaning and watering the garden.”

So when Selvi and her sisters wanted to study in Chennai, Martin was supportive and informed them about the reality of the outside world. For the first two years, Selvi lived in an apartment in Chennai with two ‘sisters’ who had boarded with her family, and they cooked their own food, managed accounts and paid the rent together. After the leafy spacious environment of Auroville, Chennai was something of a shock. “In the beginning, it was disturbing, because I don’t like being with so many people,” Selvi recounts. “Later on, I got used to the busy life of Chennai, and I started to like the city because of the friends I made.”

After finishing her bachelor’s degree, Selvi did her master’s degree – both in political science. While the focus was on understanding the Indian political system, she also studied the theories of Western political thinkers like Hobbes, Locke and Rousseau, and international relations. “It’s useful to be aware of political systems: the corruption and misuse of power, and the stuff happening in our own country,” she says. “I improved my critical thinking. The stories on the TV and in the newspapers are not fully true. So, I try to figure out the back story and think critically.”

Gaining independence

As she finished her master’s degree, Selvi decided to become a teacher in the spirit of never-ending learning. She also wanted to understand different teaching techniques, and to “develop as a person.” After observing classes for a few months in Auroville, she became an apprentice teacher at Last School, teaching Tamil language and political science. “In Last School, they give you the freedom to find your own way to teach. This is challenging, and I’m working out how I want to teach.”

She also made the leap into independent living six months ago, and has her own space within a youth housing initiative in Creativity community. “I have always wanted to live alone, and experience something different [from Tamil girls],” she says. “I had seen people living alone, taking care of themselves. Whatever they faced, they managed and they stood up for themselves. That interested me. I thought it’s a better way of living, rather than depending fully on parents.”

While Selvi’s father was supportive about her plan to live independently, she had to convince her mother. “At first, my mom thought it was not acceptable, but she adapted, and now she’s fine with it.” Selvi acknowledges that while her parents’ open-mindedness supported her own choice to live independently, it’s more of a challenge for most Tamil girls. “Here in Tamil culture, you’re expected to live with your parents. If you’re a girl, you live with your husband’s family after marriage, and you have to sacrifice many things for them.  The culture says you should act a certain way, dress a certain way, be conscious of what you say and how you behave.” Selvi attributes her childhood shyness to her internalisation of these values. But as she became exposed to the wider world, her drive “to experience something different” became stronger. 

She acknowledges there are “unfair” double standards of behaviour for boys and girls, but says mothers are simply trying to protect their daughters. “If they let them live alone, parents fear that society will create rumours… So parents bring up the concept of marriage as a solution to escape from the unwanted criticisms against women.”

When Selvi told college friends about her plan to live alone, they were initially surprised, and were then positively encouraging. “I was happy to be an example, and show that there are other options –  that girls don’t have to get married at a certain age.” 

So far, her shift into independent living is going well. “I’m managing. I feel happy. I feel proud of myself. I get to meet new people. Of course, I’m facing challenges, but these are part of my development – you get to progress through this significant process. “

When she’s not teaching, Selvi spends time reading, cycling, catching up with friends, and watching movies in different languages, especially comedies. She’s also started coaching frisbee for Aurovilians, and will soon start a frisbee coaching project, Playquity, with Thamarai, an Auroville village outreach initiative [see page 3]. The six-month project teaches leadership skills and confidence through frisbee to village girls. Unlike other sports that use referees to resolve issues, the players themselves take up this task in frisbee. “We have to be fair, honest and trust each other,” says Selvi, “so the game teaches those values.” After the game, players participate in a ‘spirit circle’, where they share their perspectives and appreciate the other players, a process that encourages participants to grow. In the Playquity project, once the girls have been trained to become confident coaches, they will teach frisbee to boys in the village, in an effort to address gender inequities. 

Selvi also reads books by the Mother and Sri Aurobindo with the help of another teacher, and is “aligning their teachings with my life experiences”. 

Her time spent outside Auroville has prompted a reframing of her thoughts about the community: “Earlier, I did not really feel the value of Auroville. But once I went to Chennai, I started to feel that Auroville is my place and I wanted to come back. Even though I want to explore more, go out of the country and travel around, I will always want to come back and contribute to life here. I’m sure about that. 

“Even as you grow older, you get so many opportunities to learn and to meet people here. Outside Auroville, you see people focused on one profession and being narrow minded – most of them just follow this idea of ‘I want to be a doctor or engineer’. But you can try different things in Auroville.

“Living alone was a proud moment, knowing that I can overcome any obstacles. Now I feel like I can have strength to fight against anything.”