On being a new parent in Auroville

Before I had a child, I used to think that Auroville was an optimal place to raise children. There are forests to frolic in, fresh air, clean food, a kaleidoscope of colorful personalities and passions, activities from horseback riding to Awareness Through the Body, and, of course, the delicate and beautiful subtle atmosphere here. All of these things remain true. But after three years of being a parent of a young child, the cracks have also started to emerge – areas in which we fail, as a community, to support parents and their kids. This is my experience and some suggestions for improvement, written in the early morning hours before my daughter wakes in the other room. 

It began with my maternity leave package. Working full-time for Auroville and receiving a full-time maintenance, the Human Resources Department granted me a maternity package in summer of 2017, when I was due in November. They told me that they had constructed the package from an old maternity policy and one which was not-yet-approved by the FAMC. The package was for 1.5 years, with full-time maintenance given for the first six months, then part time, then quarter time. If I worked a few hours each week, I could maintain the full-time status throughout. At the time, I thought that was generous – especially since in my country of origin (USA), such a package is unheard of. But the Swede sitting next to me was appalled. “What is she going to do after a year and a half?!”, she interjected. Turns out she was largely right, as after a year and a half I was a full-time mama and a part-time worker, working 1.5 jobs , trying to support myself financially, and losing my hair along the way. 

At the time, each mother I talked to had a different maternity package, depending on where she worked. Fortunately, by now there is only one Maternity Maintenance. Unfortunately, it doesn’t include paternity leave. Its short time-frame also leaves us all unsupported after a year and a half. 

But what about the Children’s Maintenance, you ask, couldn’t that provide compensation to cover your childcare? Oh yes, the Children’s Maintenance. It begins when your child is born and provides a bit of financial support for your little one. This is wonderful. Did you already know about it? Although I’m embarrassed to admit this, I didn’t know. I didn’t think to ask other parents about it and had no idea this is something that was available. In checking with the BCC, I was told that parents should first register their child with the Residents Service and then write an email to the Budget Coordination Committee (BCC) to avail of this. Although my daughter was born in Nov 2017, her maintenance only began in Dec 2019, even though I never wrote that email. (I’m still not sure how this happened!) Do I feel utterly stupid about this? Of course. Even if I had known about it, where could I have found this information? Our wonderful midwife had informed us that a visit to the Residents’ Service was necessary, but who updates new parents on financial resources? After a search on Auronet, I find the “Work, Maintenance and Individual Contribution Guidelines 2018” buried deep in the Reference Documents (Reference Documents>Mandates & Policies>FAMC). 

In other words, we need to increase the communication from the BCC and the transparency of these mechanisms for Aurovilians so that all of us are clear on the resources available to us. Or we could create a system that directs parents from the Residents’ Service straight to the BCC, or an automatic email when you sign up for maternity leave about the financial support available to you. Notably, the Children’s Maintenance eventually includes non-transferable money that goes to Nandini every month, money which would be helpful to obtain the occasional article of clothing. When I spoke to the Nandini staff, they admitted that many parents don’t know about this and their money doesn’t get used. 

But why doesn’t Auroville support financially stay-at-home parents until their children go to school?  There is no doubt in my mind that stay-at-home parenting is work, as it’s perhaps the hardest job I’ve ever had. (For anyone who doesn’t think that parenting is work, I challenge you to take care of a three-year-old alone for one week, and then call me after you’ve recovered.)

Two arguments are often heard here. The first is that people will take advantage of a system like this, in particular Newcomers who could come to Auroville, have babies and not contribute to the larger Auroville for some years. My response is that stay at home parenting is not for everyone; certainly we could create a flexible system in which support is given on a case-by-case basis for those in need. Second, it is often heard that Mother never said that Aurovilians should populate Auroville and that having children is not serving Auroville. In my opinion, nurturing our youth to develop into integral individuals is a tremendous work for our community. Isn’t that what our teachers are doing? Doesn’t the work start at home? 

If Auroville is not ready to support stay-at-home parenting, at least it should put support structures in place to assist parents in getting out to work again. For example, we could turn pre-crèche into a co-op in which some parents are required to “work” there several days a week, or provide jobs that offer childcare and safe space for infants to play on site.

After 18 months, I continued to stay home and worked part-time. Other parents did different things: some have their domestic workers watch their kids, some have immediate family members baby-sit, sometimes one person stays at home. All of these options are OK, but I don’t fall into any of these categories, so I was struggling to work 1.5 jobs  and largely failing at both. At the moment I’m holding down part-time work with the Water Group via the Internet and from my home desk by working from home, squeezing in work in the hours before my daughter wakes or in the moments, sometimes if I finish cooking lunch early, and occasionally when she happens to nap.

Eventually my daughter began at pre-crèche, which allowed me to start working half days. In starting to work outside the home, suddenly I could exercise a part of myself that hadn’t been used for some time. After giving birth, I had a deepened sense of empathy and commitment to future generations; diving back into work outside the home held new meaning for me. And as other moms have shared, “Working makes you feel like more of a person.” But upon getting to work, I noticed the Town Hall (arguably the most unsafe public building for young children in Auroville) would swell with children on school holidays. Don’t these kids have anywhere else to be? No, because their moms are working at Town Hall, and what other child-minding options do they have?

Recently I was nominated to the interim TDC. My first thought wasn’t that I was underqualified lacking any capability for the roles, except maybe communications. My first thought was, “Do they provide childcare?” More than one woman has left Auroville to return to her country of origin due to the lack of support for young parents. I also know of a lot of qualified, brilliant women sitting at home who want to contribute to Auroville in other ways. They can be given a chance to contribute if they have childcare options supported by the collective. 

Recommendations

We could create an affordable Child Care Service. This is not difficult to do. Organize a group of people who are available and skilled at looking after children, train them in First Aid, find a location, and fund this through the Central Fund. There is even a potential income stream: use the non-transferrable contribution from the Children’s Maintenance going to Nandini that many of us are not using to set up Child Care. When I worked in Nepal, my friends there were amazed when I told them that in high school I used to babysit people’s kids in exchange for money. “We have that in Nepal,” they joked, “it’s called community”. Auroville falls into a gap in the middle – we don’t all have the strong community of a small village, nor do we value the work through collective support. Maybe there’s a middle way? Let’s find it.  

Let’s make it easier for parents to attend meetings, starting with those of Auroville governance. How difficult would it be to organize a room on-site where young children can play and have a few caretakers to watch over them for two hours during General Meetings? Admirably, the recent Citizens’ Assembly has done just that. They set aside a budget for childcare for participants. This step is a welcome one and should be replicated as a best practice throughout Auroville.  As for the Selection Process, if we can condense the time of the process so that it doesn’t end at 7:30pm two nights in a row, parents wouldn’t need to decide between cooking dinner for their children or participating in Auroville’s governance. 

A few final points on making Auroville more young-child-friendly. Going out could be easier; there could be high chairs and children’s menus in all the restaurants. (Extra points for those that have well-maintained play areas, like in Naturellement!). I’m not sure that it’s possible to have a sound-proof booth for parents to sit with their babies in the movie theatres, but you get the idea: we need to re-imagine how spaces can be more friendly for both young children and their parents. 

This also includes creating more child-friendly public spaces. We hear you loud and clear when you tell us that you don’t like our infants running and shouting at the Matrimandir. But what are our options? If you look around, they are limited, and each space has its own challenges, whereas Matrimandir is safe, clean, quiet, and largely mosquito-free (let alone the sheer joy my daughter exhibits when she is there, which she has every right to express). Plus there is the child-friendly Garden of the Unexpected now. Create more spaces where kids can safely flourish. Or have days particularly dedicated to welcoming children, such as Matrimandir used to do for young ones on Tuesdays.

At this point, you may be thinking that this is largely my fault or my responsibility. You’re probably right, I’ve certainly blamed myself enough. I’ve wondered what life would be like if my partner didn’t work outside of Auroville for months on end, or how it would be if I had a vast network of child-loving friends who could look after my daughter at my beck and call (it doesn’t exist). I’ve wondered (a lot) what it would be like if we lived closer to my parents or my in-laws. I’ve also wondered if I am doing this wrong: maybe I should just hire a domestic worker and, for a little extra money, throw childcare into her list of tasks. And I could definitely learn a lesson or two in asking for help! 

On the other hand, my decisions don’t seem outlandish: we want to raise our daughter by ourselves and have the opportunity to work part-time, with the occasional opportunity to participate in important Auroville events. I’m not even asking for a night out to dinner, or a few moments to sit quietly (both of which I haven’t experienced in ages). I just want to participate in the collective. As new parents, our voices and perspectives are also valuable to the greater good.

When I take a moment to pause, I recognize that I still prefer to raise my young one here than face the challenges of doing it in the West, but I still feel Auroville can do better.

In my 15 years in Auroville, I’ve learned to fend for myself a lot, but I’m exhausted in having to fend for my family now, and would like some support, if not for myself then at least for the next generation of parents. Are you listening, Auroville? 

My daughter is calling, I’ve got to go.