Multi-culti unity

Let’s delve deeper into the topic of culture. As per Merriam Webster, culture is “the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group”.

When moving to Auroville, most of the interviewees for this article left behind many traditions, especially the religious ones. Abha P. (who is Indian and married to Agni, a Frenchman) noted: “From my childhood, perhaps due to my colonial style education, I felt at odds with some of the traditional rituals in my conservative Hindu upbringing.” Srimoyi (from India) adds:

“I don’t believe in the Pujas though I fully believe in the Gods and Goddesses, but have my own way of relating to them, because Auroville is supposed to transcend religion and religious ceremonies. The different festivals which used to seem fun in the world outside feel completely out of place in Auroville, and therefore it does not interest me to take part in them anymore.”

However, not all culture-related aspects are negative. Many Aurovilians, including those in mixed culture relationships, organize or participate in various festivals from both their cultures, such as Christmas, Diwali, Pongal or Rakshabandhan. The purpose is generally to share their own fond childhood memories with their families and children. As Chaitanya (a Belgian who was born and grew up in Auroville) says: “Auroville is so diverse; it is a big melting pot. In my childhood we were celebrating local festivals, and Christmas to a certain extent, as well as Auroville’s birthday, the Mother’s and Sri Aurobindo’s”, to which he and Pavneet (his Indian wife) have added elements of the Punjabi culture through celebration and festivities. For all these couples and families, it is always about enjoying the celebration and creating unforgettable moments, including dressing up, eating good food, and decorating the house with flowers and candles.

Customs, families and social groups

In most cases, the interviewees feel that the cultural clashes they experienced came from outside the relationship, that is from society or external sources, and they do not find it difficult to overcome these issues and work together towards a mutual understanding and acceptance.

India is often viewed as a patriarchal society, where gender and assigned roles can be a touchy subject. Yet, Krishna, an Indian woman who has a German partner, explains that patriarchy is just as prevalent in developed countries: “The box that Germans place women in is really irritating. The box we have here in India is surely different and strong, but I’m used to negotiating with this box, while the German one leaves me flabbergasted. Actually, I find that Germany is as patriarchal as India, only much less overt. My Indian women friends identify and counter the patriarchy, while the educated German women I met live with that patriarchy and do not question it. One silly example is that there it is considered an axiomatic truth that women like to shop and men don’t. Perfectly rational and well-educated women will stand up to insist that it is absolutely a correct statement and that there are studies to prove it! Of course, then ‘shopping’ is used to make women the butt of rude humourless jokes. In the Indian context, patriarchy may assert itself through the father or husband who chooses the clothing a woman wears.”

The Western expression of (female) sexuality is another point that shocked Krishna, who depicts another aspect of how the male gaze affects women’s behaviour right here in Auroville: “It was a culture clash moment for me when I came to Auroville. Despite India being called backward with repressed women, I never had to value myself and my womanhood before with regard to a man falling in love with me, or how sexy I dress, or how many boyfriends I had, which is an attitude which is so prevalent in Auroville. I feel there is no critical thinking about women’s beauty and sexuality here.”

In Western-Indian couples living here, some Westerners tend to be disgruntled by some aspects of the local prevailing culture, especially when it comes to conservative protocols regarding public display of affection or pregnancy-related customs. “When I was pregnant, the doctor didn’t allow Suresh in the scan room at first,” recounts Alice (from Italy), “but I insisted as I felt that was a beautiful moment to share. The doctor finally told us that he had nothing against it, but that customarily men in India are not too interested. It is usually the mother of the mother-to-be that stays inside with her daughter.”

Sometimes, families initially don’t like their children entering into a multi-cultural relationship, like Pavneet’s family. “Instead of trying to fight my parents or their expectations, I embraced their resistance and simply gave them time to accept it,” says Pavneet (Indian). “Unity wasn’t going to happen if we didn’t all embrace the situation, so in the end that brought us all together.”

Albeit not very common in cross-cultural relationships, another point which Westerners do not always understand from the perspective of Indian culture is arranged marriages. In fact, it sometimes works even better than the non-arranged version. As long as the family has nurtured a loving atmosphere throughout, the choice is made with wisdom. Nevertheless, in the context of Auroville it is important that both partners are interested in Auroville and participate with conviction in this experiment. As Krishna emphasizes, the larger sense of being human should prevail over the familial and cultural difference.

Upbringing, education and parenting

There is only a fine line between culture and familial habits, as Krishna points out: “Sometimes it’s a cultural influence but you don’t know this because it’s such a deep conditioning.” In fact, there are many small ingrained differences that stem from one’s own upbringing and education, language and outlook on life, so adjustments need to be made. Habits, such as greeting others (kissing each other noisily on the cheek vs doing Namaste from a distance), table manners or special occasions, can also differ from country to country, from culture to culture, which can sometimes lead to unintentional misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

Srimoyi (who had two daughters from her first marriage with a German, and has now been living with her Austrian partner for the last 24 years) points out that cultural clashes are inevitable, but these are generally balanced out by the positives of a relationship: “One learns to broaden one’s perspective by making the effort to understand the other’s point of view, appreciate the exposure to the beauty and richness of another culture in all its forms, and the possibility such a situation offers to widen one’s 

horizon.”

For parents, a topic of disagreement can concern, for example, the degree of ‘freedom’ granted to their children for things such as driving, going out, appropriate clothing etc. Points of view are diverse on this matter, whether from the occident or the orient, without forgetting the rest of Asia as well as the Americas. Growing up (or living) in Russia was not fun for Sasha: he grew up in a village with his grandparents, eating very basic food and with a very strong education. Thus, no matter where one comes from, such differences can also affect education principles and their application within families. In the end, many couples seemed to say that it is not so much a ‘cultural clash’ as a difference of opinion which obviously applies to all relationships, not multi-cultural ones alone.

Language

Language plays an important role with regard to culture: Not only do most people enjoy speaking their native language with compatriots, but also language skills can enrich – and be enriched by – multicultural relationships. Due to having multi-cultural parents, but also thanks to growing up in Auroville, most young people here can speak several languages. For parents such as Abha T. (Indian) and Claude (French), it seemed natural to speak to their daughter Smiti in their native tongues, the same goes for Rohin’s family (he has a Belgian father and Indian mother) said: “We all speak English but my mom sometimes speaks to me in Tamil and my dad’s side usually speaks in Flemish and French.” Each language ex-presses a variety of feelings or events in a particular way, and can therefore add yet another viewpoint with regard to culture but also as to how people approach different situations.

Auroville culture

In this particular context, let’s look at Merriam Webster’s second definition of ‘culture’: “the characteristic features of everyday existence (such as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time”. Therefore, we probably have ‘our own culture’ here too, since our ‘everyday existences’ are so finely intertwined. Indeed, during numerous (social, communal) events in Auroville, one can easily get a full cross-section of cultures and ages from two to seventy plus.

This beautiful city in the making is located in South India, so it comes as no surprise that there is a prevalent Tamil or Indian culture here. While Auroville is not really ‘traditional’ as such, we have adopted the material traits of our surroundings. Most of us tend to dress suitably for the climate and eat local foods, just as we would have adapted to another lifestyle in another environment. As Srimoyi points out: “We take off our shoes outside the house because it is a hygienic practice, not only in India but in many other countries in the world.”

Pavneet states: “Leaving things behind and starting completely afresh is not entirely possible in Auroville. Actually, when living here I was even more drawn to look into my own cultural identity and roots, as well as the idea and reasoning behind things. ”At the same time, by accepting other cultures and also nurturing your own, a wider feeling of sharing can be attained, such as sharing meals, gifts or food with neighbours and friends for special days, which happens in numerous communities.

Many people who have come to settle in Auroville had already travelled and lived in other countries, and sometimes these experiences – rather than the influence of their birth culture – continue to have a strong influence upon them. For example, Marie Ange (from Haiti) and Don (USA), who lived in Japan for many years, say: “Both our home and garden are very Japanese. Its unique beauty will never leave us. For us, the gardens of Japan are the most exquisite and moving in the world.”

Indeed, each country has its own peculiarities and characteristics; one can find tourist guides regarding specific cultures and traditions for just about any country. Krishna shares an anecdote about travellers’ guides explaining the German culture: “Christoph gets so irritated by them, just as I do with books explaining the Indian culture to tourists coming here. I spotted some of those ‘typical’ German habits bang on when I went there, such as for example how proud Germans are about their locks (and safety), or how a draught is the cause of all illnesses.” Christoph agreed about the locks, and we had a good laugh with regard to the draught.

Despite dissimilarities that arise in Auroville because of different cultural backgrounds, families, countries and professional backgrounds, there are so many other similarities in terms of human nature: personality, lifestyle, politics and philosophy. As Smiti said: “More than having traditions from my parents, I feel I’ve learned from the fabric of Auroville that’s woven with so many people I’ve grown up with. What Auroville stands for was always more of a base in my upbringing than my parents’ cultural background.” Srimoyi adds: “What all human beings understand, appreciate and respect are genuine good will, sincerity, respect, love and affection. Whatever form they come in, they never fail to touch people and show a way out of friction, misunderstanding and difficult situations.”

India fosters a different perspective, and most people coming to Auroville also strive to gain a deeper and higher understanding of things. As Sabrina (Indian) experienced when visiting the country her partner comes from: “In England, there was more resistance to acknowledging or thinking about something beyond your daily routine and life, whereas there’s an openness in India to look beyond that. In Auroville especially, there is more will to find out something beyond your existence.”

Indeed, commitment to Auroville and its ideals is a must for anyone who decides to live here. Abha T., whose partner is French, notes that “sharing a common path in this yoga of Mother and Sri Aurobindo was of primary importance – it makes all other hurdles merely something one goes through. The deeper self doesn’t have these boundaries, and living in that is one’s aspiration and attempt.” Mihong (Korean) and Jean-Yves (French) add: “There are no particular traditions to be transmitted, we are here to find something which does not belong to traditions.”

Nevertheless, in our quest to achieve human unity, we must learn to embrace differences in others and not impose our understanding of life upon anyone. “In Auroville we talk a lot about Unity in Diversity, but the stress is totally on ‘unity’. Diversity is something to be overcome almost; we don’t give it as much importance, yet we need to learn to hold the diversity, too,” said Krishna.

In the end, gaining a deeper understanding of other cultures is actually very enriching. Pavneet notes: “Diversity is just so much fun, getting to know about other cultures certainly does add to my happiness index. Detachment from something very religious and dogmatic is needed to live here, but you can still have your roots and don’t have to let go of your culture to live up to the ideals of this place.”

In conclusion, it seems that many people drawn to Auroville either came from a multi-cultural environment or did not feel particularly attached to their base culture. Nandini (ethnic Indian born in Dutch Guyana, South America, and raised in Holland) and B (USA), for example, don’t even think of themselves as a mixed couple: “Our backgrounds provide more richness to our interactions and we did not have to resolve or overcome any particular traditions because they are superseded by other values like health, personal growth, the ideals of Auroville and Integral Yoga.”

Life in a mixed couple implies getting to know more of the other country, the spirit and soul behind that culture. As Mary (an American who was married to an Indian) put it, “I feel very fortunate and grateful that I have the opportunity to broaden my understanding and appreciation of differences – and also the similarities – in human beings.”