Leaving Auroville to be part of it

“I hear that you’re leaving Auroville.” The words stung more than I thought they would. Even after years of developing a thick skin and learning to shrug off Auroville gossip, somehow this statement still pinched. “I’m not leaving Auroville,” I responded, “I’m just going out for a while.”

Going out without wanting to, I thought to myself.

My situation is perhaps like many others, who are drawn to Auroville but have external circumstances preventing their full participation. For me, it’s student loans. Like so many American students who attended university, I have a hefty quantity of financial debt that tags along with me wherever I go, and is never far from my mind.

Taking full responsibility for the loans that I borrowed, I am working slowly to pay them back. But that work, by necessity, has been outside of Auroville as I cannot earn that kind of money here. There have been perks to working outside, such as being able to travel. Most significantly, I’ve come to recognize that I have skills that the outside world wants and is willing to pay for. Having a monetary value attached to my skills was a reassurance that I can survive outside of Auroville if I have to.

But that lesson was short lived. Now when I go out, I find myself longing for Auroville more than ever before. People talk to me about my adventures, and I have a dull ache in my gut. The more I am outside, the more I become more convinced of the work of Auroville, and am eager to get home.

My circumstances have plunged me into a well of questioning, amplified by the collective psychology of our community. People ask me if I’ve asked The Mother for help. People tell me to have faith. People try to reassure me that Auroville is with me wherever I go. I question my own sincerity, and wonder whether Auroville is even my place.

There are many others in a similar situation, working hard on the outside to be able to come back in. I know people who are managing their student debt in all kinds of different ways, such as by refusing to pay, finding a programme to waive their loans after 10 years, or simply choosing to leave Auroville and find employment outside.

Can Auroville do anything to alleviate the situation? For those of us from the US, there is a federal program in which people working in the public service sector can become eligible for loan forgiveness. Unfortunately the work of Auroville isn’t recognized within its scope. It might take years to get that approved, but some of us are working on it.

Auroville might consider giving younger people a preference for housing. After these loans are paid off, the next looming financial burden will be how to pay for a house. (Right now all of the money going into my monthly loan payments could be helping with housing.) And unlike houses outside, which are at least an investment, housing in Auroville is like throwing money down a black hole. Ten years ago, I was eager to throw my meagre savings at Auroville, and I did. That eagerness hasn’t worn off, but the money has worn out.

Finally, there has got to be more economic flexibility in helping young people start up their lives here. Perhaps there could be mechanisms that allow people engaged in work in India to continue that work during their Newcomer period.

In the meantime, my questioning continues. Why don’t I stop complaining and accept my circumstances, and Auroville’s circumstances, for what they are? If life aligns itself as opportunities for further growth, there must be a lesson in here somewhere. But one question continues to plague me. Why does it feel like I need to leave Auroville to be a part of it? And until I can come up with the solution, I keep sending out my monthly cheque.__