I am Who I am and I Manifest Through Love

Dear friends,

I’m here today, in a time frame of my journey, collaborating with the universe, trying to go back to my roots, and observe how we arrived here.

What are the elements that moved and keep on moving us?

How can we explain to ourselves the reason why we are part of an enormous double effect nucleo, of love and suffering?

What are the steps to take in front of our life?

Are we right or are we wrong?

I would love to share with you my feelings and history as a human being on this planet.

And why I am so grateful and scared sometimes to be here, because let’s be honest, the greens and the blues are so beautiful, but when it comes to darkness it’s not so easy to find the way back home.

Everything started at the time, when two of the most beautiful persons I’ve met in my life decided to meet in the path of love.

Fresh air in town, coming from the mountain. The river was cold, the sky was blue and trees were dropping the remains of water left from the snow.

They wanted to keep each other warm and share the most beautiful emotions that we are capable to feel, see and touch. Love.

My journey started through a beautiful and powerful connection. And so, the creation began.

Happiness in their heart. No expectation of me being a woman or a man.

Only warm words to keep me safe.

But as we know, happiness comes together with pain. And if we go through it, then we understand how strong is our faith and truth.

So here we go, the circle of life is respecting the rules.

The woman wakes up in the morning, it was raining outside, sensations are confused. Feeling fear, shaking in her body, the doctor came into the room. He looks insecure, not sure about what to say, but he has to and so he does.

“My friend, I want to talk to you, woman. I'm so sorry to say that you got chicken pox. That means that your child might have physical issues. It could be that parts of her body will be missing or deformed, I’m very sorry.”

Slow tears start falling from her face. The Man comes to hold her, to hug her fragile body.

Face to face they look at each other and they smile. They want to take the risk, they love, doesn’t matter what.

Time is moving, I’m getting closer to the beginning of a new and brighter perspective.

Here I am, from one world to another.

Rays of light on my new body. Unknown sensation on my skin, I can feel the touch of a warm matter. I can’t recognize what it is.

Slowly she keeps me closer and looks at my tiny eyes, and so I do too. I can finally see, deep inside, that truth is where I belong. Feels good. I’m home.

Step by step, my forms are growing. My mouth can express my joy with a smile. The pain manifested through my tears. I can use my voice, and make sounds for people to hear.

I love you so much. That’s how it feels.

Growing up was a jump in my fears, falling down was joy. And so with all that, I appear.

I was very sensitive all of these years. Was very easy for me to feel weird. Folks used to make fun of me, they couldn’t understand my dreams. They didn’t like my duality as a human being.

They didn’t know I could have been real, a mix of energy in the atmosphere.

You are too masculine, I used to hear. Look at your nose, you should disappear!

So much pain I had to feel. They didn’t believe in me, I couldn’t trust myself. There was no way out of the insecurity.

But that one thing made me feel real. Running with the fears and making them fly away with the power of my hands, throwing a ball to my team, looking in their eyes and feeling their beat. We were running together like wolves looking forward to winning. Basketball was my dream. I found myself in it.

The family became wider, so many friends that believe in me. And so together we created the team.

We travel from city to city, leaving the past behind us, willing to go far...

Together with my dream I found a new foundation in the sea, like a canvas ink is falling on me, the creation of a new model through creativity began.

Lines of force permeate the air. Art is my new form of care.

Drawing on paper, drawing on walls, that’s all my heart wants, I hear it call.

Listening to music, writing poetry, understanding the mystery behind my history.

Comets and shooting stars follow me. I still don’t know where I should be.

Memories are fading, my heart now is aching. Clouds in my head, I’m hard to be read.

I’m floating in the air, not knowing which clothes to wear.

I dress like a man and tie my hair, but they call me a woman and that’s not fair.

They don’t know who I am and where I come from, all I see it’s myself, that is just a form.

I feel the need to be aware. But finding the time seems so rare.

Smoking and smoking I thought that’s the way, what a funny game, for it’s just a child’s play.

Hiding inside with all of me, eyy!

After losing myself in the way I behaved, I realised there was no place for me to be embraced.

People are hurt; they don’t shine anymore. I feel wrong, day by day, more and more.

A spring of light comes through my door. It’s my parents again taking me abroad.

There is no doubt in me I’m ready to leave.

Flying away from this big city, grey.

We reach Auroville, a place of will. New doors in front of me, abundance of nature I can see.

It’s warm now, my bones are free.

I don’t know how to speak, which makes me feel weak.

Maybe it doesn't matter, I can travel deep.

New faces, new style, so naive, so wild.

I want to embrace it. Without feeling in a race.

Observing in and out, what is all of this about?

I’m awestruck with what I see, this is the place where I want to be.

Trying my best to pass my test. It’s a track on the mountain, but it flows like a fountain.

I’m a pawn on the board of chess, being moved by itself, but it’s all a guess.

I want to love and feel the power from above.

So much to learn, I’m often concerned.

I sing and pray to be happy and gay.

Travelling in space, new culture, new waves.

Dancing in the rain makes me forget about all my pain.

Spirituality and morality, what a world of duality.

People jumping in a lake is the time to let go of our mistakes.

Up in the mountains, inspiration grows.

Like in the ocean when the wind blows.

I see new light, up in the sky, so pure, so bright.

I’m flying high, I might die, so beautiful, it makes me cry.

I will bring with me the power of the solar ring.

An aspiration of Love.

A shared hug to involve people in town when they are down.

Back to Auroville.

Only a few months left, and my dream hasn't manifested.

But something changed, realisation comes through, I can see them both.

The male and the female.

Struggling to get space they find each other face to face.

Not knowing how to be together because here relationships are as soft as a feather and I’m still fighting with matter.

The time has come, not knowing what is next, I take a flight back to the city nest.

Bones are cracking my soul is not reacting.

Old patterns coming on my way, it’s very hard to be away.

New job, new mentality, I can’t talk of spirituality.

They think I’m crazy, it makes me feel very lazy.

I don’t want to accept that this is where I stepped.

I just don’t see what they see, it’s very hard to believe.

I don’t feel respected because of my different perspective.

Business is their only reality, they don’t care about equality.

My body is sick, it feels like a hard kick.

Surrounded by fear, I lost control of my own gear.

So much pain for my own gain,

It feels like a summer without rain.

I’m not ready for this I think

I might take another drink.

Depression seems to be my fashion.

I feel love but there is no passion.

Lost in time, I’m trying to find the next rhyme.

But the pain, take my mind away on train.

I want to go far away without having anything to say.

Choosing relaxation for a better vibration.

Half way through, falling in love is what I had to do.

Giving light to my words, imagine my heart like a quartz.

Embracing colors, projection of thoughts.

Trying to undo all my knots.

Energy is moving, following the flow people come and go.

I see the beauty in her duty.

She walks to me and smile at me.

So much passion, so delicious.

Curiosity is my new reality.

I want her closer and I know she knows that I’m not a loser.

We know it’s going to be short, that’s what it’s all about,

time to teleport.

Up in the sky again.

Back to be Zen.

Amen.

As soon as I got there, I had the need to share.

I swear, I’m aware.

I just want to love who I am and I say damn!

She’s standing there, with so much care.

Observing my face lost in space.

A pull from her heart makes me fall apart melting like honey, she’s so shiny.

A call of love again, this time I know, I can, but I don’t know when.

Few days later we began.

More she loved me, more I got to embrace myself.

Energy was trickling in my vein.

I was feeling pure and sane.

Wanting to know more, to express everything I had learned.

Insecurity keeps on coming, I don’t know which way to turn.

The feminine has always been my mystery, facing her for the first time was my victory.

Peace has finally come, with a sound of a soft drum.

My heart is growing strong, makes me feel like rum.

Which are my capacities, where is my creativity.

I need to find my motivity.

Make it strong, for it is never wrong.

If I feel sad I just sing a song.

It’s a collaboration between love and war, now I know what I’m doing this for.

I’m an excited storm, so cold and so warm.

Now I am who I am without limit without form.

My soul it’s an ever growing tree, going high where it wants to be.

Education is my aspiration.

I want to express with no limitation.

Loving myself is my meditation.

For you to kiss my liberation.

Please my friends come with me, you just got to see.

We’re human beings, trying to live our dreams.

Hold my hand, together we stand.

I love you all, with my big bright soul.

We walk together, we are living forever.

I say goodbye, just for a while.

When the stars align, I’ll see you again,

Surely love,

I’m not lying’.