Healing sexual trauma

Understanding sexual trauma and the resources available within the Auroville community is the first step toward its prevention. Two health professionals agreed to share their professional and personal ideas on how sexual trauma can be addressed in Auroville. Paula Murphy is an Aurovilian nurse-midwife with 30 years of experience. She works at Santé and is a member of Auroville’s Internal Complaints Committee (ICC). In 2016, she conducted Auroville’s first women’s health survey, which was covered in Issue # 334 of Auroville Today. Naomi Shtilman is a mental health professional who joined Auroville in 2019. She has a Master’s in Counselling Psychology and she’s completing her PhD in Integral and Transpersonal Psychology. A sexual assault survivor who has also experienced harassment in Auroville, she is currently a facilitator of a discussion group in Auroville about love, relationships, and sexuality. 

How can we prevent sexual trauma in Auroville? 

Paula: For me education is essential, particularly to inform men how serious an issue sexual harassment is and what the laws are. Young men may not have been exposed to any feminist awakening. Without this awareness, you can possibly be a victim or perpetrator of sexual harassment without even knowing it. 

Naomi: The first preventive measure would be decreasing stigma and shame by creating opportunities for open and honest conversations regarding sexual health. We need to increase our conversations and educational systems to include explorations of consent. It would also be important to have education and counselling for past perpetrators so that they can learn not to repeat the harm already done. Rather than saying ‘You are bad’, we need to say, ‘This is your opportunity to learn and grow, are you going to take it?’

There’s a discussion happening worldwide about consent. How would you define it?

Paula: Consent happens when the person is mature enough to decide for themselves about their actions and accept the consequences. They have to understand what’s happening and what are the implications and risks of sexual acts, such as diseases, pregnancy, emotional trauma and physical trauma. 

Naomi: Getting consent is about having the emotional intelligence and the communication skills to really check with somebody about their needs and desires regarding sexual activity. We need new conversations about what is consent to encourage mutual participation in the sexual experience. Rather than the stereotype of the man chasing the woman, it’s possible for two beings to mutually co-create a sexual experience together. 

Can you tell us about the healing process for sexual trauma? 

Naomi: I have experienced abuse in the past, so I know first-hand the symptoms of trauma; I know how it affects your mind, body and soul. I also know there are numerous ways to support healing from trauma because I had to explore various paths for myself and I continue to deepen my knowledge of recovery. 

There are two different levels to address: first, what you need to do practically for your well-being (what safety measures to take, which offices to go to, etc.) but then, second, is what you need to do for your mental health. Seeking support of a therapist who has an understanding of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is important. Unlike other mental health related challenges, it’s incredibly essential to understand the impact of trauma on the body, especially your nervous system, and so, for example, massages and energy therapy can help a lot.

There are four stages of emotionally healing from trauma:

First, the victim has to develop coping skills. For example, you shouldn’t talk about the trauma with someone who is not ready to navigate the emotions that could arise. 

Second, she has to make sense of her story and process it. This involves navigating the feelings of what happened and incorporating the experience into her larger life story. 

Third is integration. She asks herself, “What does that mean for me? I’m not the same person that I was before, so who am I now?”

And fourth involves giving back her experience to her community. Sexual trauma can be isolating because the victim is alone in her intense experience. She needs to develop connections and sisterhood for support. 

Paula: In Auroville we have a wide, and maybe indirect, healing environment. Besides the people qualified to deal from the psychological point of view and those dedicated to healing to wellness in general, there are also women’s circles. Many elements of human nature are rising up now to be transformed. In Auroville we have the Mother’s Force for healing these deep, long repressed aspects.

What about for more serious cases of sexual assault? What is the situation in India and do we have the necessary resources to deal with them in Auroville?

Paula: India has a very different system. In other countries, the victim would have a forensic medical examination and physical evidence and specimens would be gathered. You can identify the perpetrator based on DNA. But this isn’t practiced here in India. Men can deny their culpability because there’s no evidence. And so, while the laws are strict, if you don’t have any evidence you can’t prosecute, and it turns into a battle of ‘she said, he said’. Then the woman often loses the case, and this can jeopardise also her reputation, her job, her marriage and the support from her family, which is why most women don’t report perpetrators of sexual assault. 

I have investigated various testing options through the lab services at Santé. I’ve started to conduct more screenings, but I haven’t found easy access to the resources needed. My dream support system for women would include physical, emotional and spiritual care. We would provide emergency contraception if indicated, basic STD screenings that provide rapid results, prophylactic HIV treatment if indicated and access to a full forensic exam carried out by a trained nurse, midwife or female doctor. Currently, this level of care is not available in our area nor in most places in India.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community when it comes to dealing with these issues?

Paula: Auroville has all kinds. There are some men that are respectful and have a contained sexual energy; they don’t engage with you from a perspective of male domination if you are a woman, but as a human soul. There is a big presence of this kind of person. But we also have people here that would ignore consent, violating the ethos here and causing sexual harassment without even recognising it.

Naomi: It’s a big challenge to live in a small community, with the possibility of meeting your harasser at any time, and to deal with that fear. In my case, I started avoiding places because I didn’t want that stress on my body.

At the same time, what surprised me in my experience of harassment here was that a group of people formed around me to provide support. They said, ‘How are we going to deal with this situation as a community?’ And that was quite a relief because it was no longer me trying to deal with it alone, but a group of people saying “This is a problem for all of Auroville and we should address it to keep you and others safe”. It was a beautiful healing moment for me to feel supported by the community.

Do you see public awareness growing on the topic?

Naomi: These incidents are so shameful that we keep them secret. People don’t want to know about them. But when they remain in the shadows, the behaviours can easily continue. Only when things are brought into the light can they be addressed. 

Paula: Talking about sexual trauma is very important. There are people who think that if we don’t talk about it, these incidents will disappear. This is denial. But public awareness is growing in Auroville. There are people who are gathering information and giving it back to the community in an understandable way, which is really educational. Otherwise, there can be confusion even about the differences between sexual assault and sexual harassment, which are worlds apart. 

We also need to communicate that the way to approach safety is not the same for men and for women, and the community at every level has to internalise the fact that we have gender-based inequality here. For example, ‘Don’t go out at night’ is a common phrase for women but not for men. 

How can we do better and what is already working?

Paula: Maybe some mother-daughter classes would be helpful, and to provide better sex education in the schools. We are missing other things from the male point of view as well, because we are still trying to wake up from women’s suppression. How can we invite respectful men to engage in this process? 

Naomi: One healing initiative that stands out to me is Auroville’s Restorative Circles. I wonder how they could be utilized more to address the collective healing between the genders, not just individuals. 

Something that could be improved would be to allow anonymous complaints. Currently, the complainant has to be named when approaching the Internal Complaints Committee, which puts her at risk of repercussions. This is common all over the world; the first thing that happens when a woman speaks up is that she is discredited.  For that reason, I wonder how many more women would come forward if they knew that their names didn’t have to be shown to the perpetrator. 

What would you like to see in a healthier future?

Naomi: In Auroville, we are coming from different cultures and backgrounds, but the collective challenges we face between the genders is global. The problem of women’s safety is so much bigger than individual episodes. I’d love for us in Auroville to continue exploring community options for preventive education and healing in collective. 

Paula: I’d like people to understand that, excluding those who are celibate, anyone who is in a human body will most probably have a sex life at some point and that it should be a happy, healthy, safe, pleasurable, self-affirming and life-affirming part of them. It should not be a point of shame, disease or danger. That change of attitude could be a natural thing as we walk on this path called Auroville.

Glossary of concepts

Affirmative consent: verbal affirmation of the desire of engaging in any type of sexual activity.

Age of consent: age at which one is considered legally competent to consent for sexual activity. It varies by country. In India, it is 18 years for both men and women.

Work Harassment: The UN defines it as any behaviour of an offensive nature, based on discrimination of any kind that causes humiliation to another person. It may take the form of words, gestures or actions which create an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

Sexual harassment: As defined in the Indian Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act, 2013, sexual harassment includes any one or more of the following unwelcome acts or behaviour (whether directly or by implication) namely:

(i) physical contact and advances; or

(ii) a demand or request for sexual favours; or

(iii) making sexually coloured remarks; or

(iv) showing pornography's; or

(v) any other unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal conduct of sexual nature;

Sexual harassment complaint: The Indian Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Rules, 2013, specify that a complaint can be made by the aggrieved woman, or if she is unable to do so on account of her physical incapacity, by her relative or friend, a co-worker, an officer of the National Commission for Women or State Women’s Commission or any person who has knowledge of the incident with the written consent the aggrieved woman. The Rules also contain a provision on who can make a complaint in case the aggrieved woman is unable to do so on account of her mental incapacity.

Rape: The Indian Penal Code defines it as the act of sex by a man with a woman if it was done against her will or without her consent. The definition of rape also includes sex when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in fear of death or of hurt, or when she’s unable to communicate consent.

Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape according to this law, even when there’s no consent given. To have sex with a minor under the age of 18 is also considered rape, as there is no legal consent involved.

Sexual assault: unwanted sexual physical contact. One of the most serious forms of it is rape.

Sexual trauma: a consequence of a sexual act that is imposed on another person without his or her consent.

Sexual abuse: ongoing or long-term sexual trauma.

Sexual consent: agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. It can be verbal or non-verbal and it’s still a matter of debate how to understand it and teach it.

Secondary victimisation: human rights organisations define it as the re-traumatisation of the harassed and/or assaulted person through the responses of individuals, community and institutions after she/he speaks out. Included in this category are conceptions such as blaming the victim for external circumstances, ‘gas lighting’, verbal and physical attacks or threats to the victim, exposing the victim to reprisal from the harasser, undermining the mental health of the victim, being ostracised from the family, getting fired from the working place, isolation, shaming, punishments, among many others forms of victimisation.