Auroville is never easy

There are several forces at play, accompanied by a constant pressure and a never-ending invitation for growth. That’s how I would summarize my latest experience in the Residents’ Assembly Service (RAS), in which I stayed for six months.

My decision to come back to Auroville, where I was born and grew up for my nine first years, was accompanied by an inner quest for something radically new. In this endeavor, I thought I would drop all my difficulties behind; and yet, the “boomerang effect” is unstoppable. All that remains to be transformed gets back to you.

A naked mirroring experience, this is what Auroville means to me.

After having spent two years conducting my research and writing my masters’ thesis on the way Aurovilians re-enchant their lives, and more especially on the way ritualized silence binds us together, being confronted with such a tough reality has been a challenge. After looking at one of the countless pathways towards Human Unity, having to face our current hurt, divisions and lack of trust has definitely been a laborious learning.

FEAR.

That’s perhaps one of our unconscious guiding principles in collective organisation today. I have seen many group members – including myself – deciding what to publish or not to publish based on fear: how will the community react? Do we have solid grounds before we can publish this or that? Are we ready to face the turmoil and stand the hits?

Many of our policies and mandates are based on fear. We’re afraid that this or that will happen, so we write policies to avoid possible future situations. We’re afraid that group members take too much power, so we write mandates – and whenever people exceed their mandates, we blame them. The mind is afraid of the unexpected, and so we try to get everything under control.

Many of our decisions are based on fear. We often don’t act in ways that seem true to our inner selves – first we check if our mandates and policies allow us to act this or that way. If not, we’re ready to write new policies, or to twist our own truth so that we can follow them thoroughly. And still, we don’t manage to protect ourselves. Not everything can be written or regulated. There’s always room for interpretation. There’s always room for a diversity of perspectives, and instead of welcoming that richness and embodying the freedom we aspire to, we blame the uncontrollable and ‘the Other’. We grow and nurture our divides and polarities.

Being afraid of ‘the Other’, we start living in our own wor(l)ds. Working group members stop visiting Auronet and participating in community discussions. They don’t want to get hit or polluted by excessive criticism. Other community members stop going to meetings, taking part in decisions, or participating in the organisation of our collective body. They don’t trust these groups, over there, which seem so far away from them. Individuality reigns and we oppose each other more and more – while hopefully still feeling bound by this Invisible Force and Her Grace.

Perhaps what is missing from our current structure is captured in the essence of one word: vulnerability.

Vulnerability for working groups to be totally transparent and share openly without shame – even when there isn’t any solid ground, or when they’re themselves in a climate of opacity.

Vulnerability for all community members to assume their part in taking responsibility – and recognize that none of us is infallible, and that we’re all in the same boat.

Vulnerability in being totally sincere to ourselves, despite our numerous fears, and in daring to overcome them. Divine Anarchy might not be so far away – it’s all about courage and perspective.

Vulnerability in getting rid of all these protections we put around us that prevent us from truly being ourselves and truly meeting ‘the Other’.

Vulnerability in being open to the unexpected, getting away from the controlling mind, and surrendering to a higher force.

Vulnerability in letting go of all boundaries and trusting Her that all is right and that She takes care.

And perhaps before being able to fully surrender in vulnerability, we should first strive to restore Trust. I myself can only feel ready to get naked if I have trust and faith. In Her, in the Other and in myself – which is all the same.

What about you?